Holy shit it's been FOR-EVVV-EERRRRR (like in "The Sandlot!") Anyway, a lot has gone done since my last post, which I have to say, I just re-read for the first time, sober anyway, and I laughed my ass off. Not sure if I was laughing at the story, or just the fact that damn, this is my life. This shit happens lol. Anyway!
So some bad shit went down w/my high school crew friends....some I've seen recently, some I haven't seen in years. I don't want to go into details, but I will say RIP to our homies Bam Bam & Case - we all love you! With the bad though, we did get to experience some good. We all celebrated their lives, our lives, and our friendships & memories together. It was nice to see most of us back together, just like the old times.
But in that time, I fucked up, and didn't go to work for two days, and didn't call off for two days. I should have been more responsible, but I was mind fucked at the time. It is what it is, I have learned my lesson. You grow, and move on. I lost my job....luckily w/a severance to keep me truckin' along & having more stories to share!
So w/in a month of shit hitting the fan, the lease on our crazy roommates house was coming to an end. To sum it all up, three of the roommies stayed at the house. I moved - four houses down to AwesomeA's house!!! So it's still just as crazy, w/just as many stories, all of us included!!!! I still get down the same way I did before. Although my tags are dead, and I have my headlight is out - I bought a new one, but it rained today, so it hasn't been replaced. I've been keeping it local at Hard Times, b/c it's my jam & it's across the street! Convenience!!!
Anyway, this wasn't so much a funny story, it's more of an update. Since I'm home, and back on the blog, I will be writing more, crazy, ridiculous, off the chain stories!!!! Enjoy, stay safe & peace out homies!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
It's been a minute - a long minute....we DROVE THRU THE 7-11 WINDOW. Yes, that happens to real people.
So - I'm going to start this shit out, and it may offend a lot of people, but I will try n keep it "as clean n nice as possible." But don't count on too much....so anyway, I'm listening to some crazy shit on my recorder right now - shit I haven't listened to, of crazy drunken nights. And I would like to tell you the night ended crazy & I fucked the shit outta some stupid dude...I mean, let's be honest, 99% of them are stupid. But anyway, that's not how this story goes down - at all. This story involves no sex lol.
December 31st, 2010-into 2011, I had this fucked up female surgery kind of thing done. And honestly, I felt like shit, but you know me, I got IT IN! - I may have a pic on FB of that nite - hang on, lettme check.
Okay, yes - thank you FB! So hopefully, as you can see in my glamoured out face, it turned out to be an okay New Years, even after all the BS. Now, fast forward a month a half. Something medically happened & I ended up in the ER. #not a good look. I know, I had to do it haha! They couldn't figure out why my bad luck happened or what made it happen - actually, they couldn't do anything, but give me meds :) They even did a sonogram b/c I'm pretty sure they didn't believe I WASN'T pregnant. Go figure, like I said, I wasn't pregnant!
They fixed me up, dosed me up, and sent me on my way. They also told me to follow up w/my doctor asap to make sure everything was running smoothly. Fast forward again - this time, only 36 hours, the morning of my doctor's appointment. My ex, Shooz & I stopped at the bank first - I needed to cash a check. The next stop in my mind was already planned out - I needed cigs & an energy drink. As soon as I came out of the bank, I was dead set on 7-11, directly across the street. This of COURSE caused a, ummm what do normal people call them - "a tiff" - between Shooz & I. He immediately argued - we could get cigs & an energy drink a few miles away.
Ummm pause - a few miles...in "Funfax City" traffic, that could be up to 20mins. I smoke cigs to get thru traffic. And sip on my energy drink in between drags to get rid of the cig taste. (I know that sounds weird - why smoke if it tastes so nasty! But I've been trying to quit - for TOO LONG! It's a bitch of a habit....back to the great story!)
I manage to argue my way across the street to 7-11, and Shooz is driving - let's make that clear now lol - you will understand why very soon! So it had recently snowed a few inches - maybe 3-4, but it was sunny & had been melting for a couple of days. I will give Shooz some credit - the ground was wet & slippery (I have to stand up for him - this ultimately, not really, well partially, was my fault!) so as we pulled into the parking spot, apparently, Shooz's foot somehow slid off the brake & as I yelled "Shooz - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!!????!!!!," we jumped the little yellow car stopper thingy, hit the loads of firewood in front of the window of 7-11 (THANK GOODNESS IT WAS WINTER - or it would've been SO much worse!) & I watched - in slow motion - as the wood crashed thru the entire, HUGE, front window of 7-11, at 9:15am, w/a good 5+ people in line, who looked on in terror, as the wood went thru the window, as well as the front bumper of Shooz's SUV. Somehow by the grace of a Higher Power, there was NO ONE reading the newspaper or at the stand, b/c when he ran into the newspaper stand/magazine area, shit hit the fan! (I mean for real though, who the hell even buys a newspaper anymore?? I'm not sure it really was a Higher Power, or just people up to date w/technology, and having ZERO need for a newspaper!)
I sat back in the passenger seat, w/my jaw on the ground - I'm pretty sure, literally. I looked at Shooz, who looked at me in disbelief, as we both looked at all the people inside, in disbelief - I mean who the HELL can say they have experienced a car going thru the window of a convenience store - especially 7-11 lmao. I'm so glad I can laugh now - even if it were my car, and after seeing that bill, that will be a while for Shooz to pay off, I would laugh. That shit was hilarious & OFF THE CHAIN! And the fire inspector had a pretty good sense of humor - he told us a few months back, someone had run ALL the way into the 7-11, about a mile down the street. Took out the entire front counter! DAMN, THAT SUCKS lol.
Unfortunately, well Shooz would say unfortunately, I would say he was a lucky man....5-0 pulled up to the scene w/in 1min. After Shooz told him what happened - as far as braking, foot slipping off the brake etc, the cop claimed he was waiting to turn into 7-11, and saw the whole shit go down.
I was on my way to work & had been pulled over w/dead tags, dead inspection, no insurance & no city sticker & w/my luck, for the first time in my life, this ASSHOLE cop told me my license was suspended! Long story short, it was a holiday, Martin Luther King Jr day - Jan 17th, 2011, and I told dude I had gotten nothing in the mail notifying me my license was suspended, although he insisted (the Judge later agreed w/me & threw out ALL 6 TICKETS!!!) but anyway, he told me I was a threat & danger to society & that I could kill someone. After me crying for 45min thinking I was going to jail for the first time in my life for not paying a NON-MOVING VIOLATION fine, I was hysterical. My mom even wanted to talk to the cop, and I told her balling like a baby "not even youuuu can talk my way outta this oneeee!" It was terrible.
Finally, the cop let me park my car in the garage on the next block, and made me walk home a 1/2mi in 14 degree weather. It also happened to be week two of me not smoking, and it was the first day I didn't wear "the patch." I don't think I've ever wanted a cigarette SO badly, as that shameful walk home.
Back to the story....this cop started taking 7-11's info & Shooz's info. Insurance, phone#, address etc. Shooz also happened to have an expired inspection sticker - it said 10/2010 & we were in 2/2011 - the cop looked at him, smiled, and then laughed & said, "You're inspection is dead, but I'm not going to ticket you, b/c you're in enough trouble." REALLY - are you fucking shitting me. I got the Fairfax City Dbag cop of the fucking year, and my ex-man runs thru 7-11 w/a cop who witnessed it, who, in reality, didn't even see anything, but was cool as shit, and didn't give him a ticket.....ain't that some shit??!!
All in all, I got my cigs, and my energy drink. I went to my Doctor's appt - everything was fine. It was like I was a born again Virgin....but not really. Thank goodness for stories in life we can look back & laugh at!
As of recently, I no longer talk to Shooz. He really pissed me off. He does know the blog though - on a softer note, if you read this Shooz, you know you fucked up lmao. I'm pretty sure you will never have as many kick ass stories as you had w/me. And don't worry, there are MANY more to come involving you. I hope LA is treating you well, and you're not doing anything I wouldn't do.....haha, j/k biaattcchh!
December 31st, 2010-into 2011, I had this fucked up female surgery kind of thing done. And honestly, I felt like shit, but you know me, I got IT IN! - I may have a pic on FB of that nite - hang on, lettme check.
Okay, yes - thank you FB! So hopefully, as you can see in my glamoured out face, it turned out to be an okay New Years, even after all the BS. Now, fast forward a month a half. Something medically happened & I ended up in the ER. #not a good look. I know, I had to do it haha! They couldn't figure out why my bad luck happened or what made it happen - actually, they couldn't do anything, but give me meds :) They even did a sonogram b/c I'm pretty sure they didn't believe I WASN'T pregnant. Go figure, like I said, I wasn't pregnant!
They fixed me up, dosed me up, and sent me on my way. They also told me to follow up w/my doctor asap to make sure everything was running smoothly. Fast forward again - this time, only 36 hours, the morning of my doctor's appointment. My ex, Shooz & I stopped at the bank first - I needed to cash a check. The next stop in my mind was already planned out - I needed cigs & an energy drink. As soon as I came out of the bank, I was dead set on 7-11, directly across the street. This of COURSE caused a, ummm what do normal people call them - "a tiff" - between Shooz & I. He immediately argued - we could get cigs & an energy drink a few miles away.
Ummm pause - a few miles...in "Funfax City" traffic, that could be up to 20mins. I smoke cigs to get thru traffic. And sip on my energy drink in between drags to get rid of the cig taste. (I know that sounds weird - why smoke if it tastes so nasty! But I've been trying to quit - for TOO LONG! It's a bitch of a habit....back to the great story!)
I manage to argue my way across the street to 7-11, and Shooz is driving - let's make that clear now lol - you will understand why very soon! So it had recently snowed a few inches - maybe 3-4, but it was sunny & had been melting for a couple of days. I will give Shooz some credit - the ground was wet & slippery (I have to stand up for him - this ultimately, not really, well partially, was my fault!) so as we pulled into the parking spot, apparently, Shooz's foot somehow slid off the brake & as I yelled "Shooz - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!!????!!!!," we jumped the little yellow car stopper thingy, hit the loads of firewood in front of the window of 7-11 (THANK GOODNESS IT WAS WINTER - or it would've been SO much worse!) & I watched - in slow motion - as the wood crashed thru the entire, HUGE, front window of 7-11, at 9:15am, w/a good 5+ people in line, who looked on in terror, as the wood went thru the window, as well as the front bumper of Shooz's SUV. Somehow by the grace of a Higher Power, there was NO ONE reading the newspaper or at the stand, b/c when he ran into the newspaper stand/magazine area, shit hit the fan! (I mean for real though, who the hell even buys a newspaper anymore?? I'm not sure it really was a Higher Power, or just people up to date w/technology, and having ZERO need for a newspaper!)
I sat back in the passenger seat, w/my jaw on the ground - I'm pretty sure, literally. I looked at Shooz, who looked at me in disbelief, as we both looked at all the people inside, in disbelief - I mean who the HELL can say they have experienced a car going thru the window of a convenience store - especially 7-11 lmao. I'm so glad I can laugh now - even if it were my car, and after seeing that bill, that will be a while for Shooz to pay off, I would laugh. That shit was hilarious & OFF THE CHAIN! And the fire inspector had a pretty good sense of humor - he told us a few months back, someone had run ALL the way into the 7-11, about a mile down the street. Took out the entire front counter! DAMN, THAT SUCKS lol.
Unfortunately, well Shooz would say unfortunately, I would say he was a lucky man....5-0 pulled up to the scene w/in 1min. After Shooz told him what happened - as far as braking, foot slipping off the brake etc, the cop claimed he was waiting to turn into 7-11, and saw the whole shit go down.
I was on my way to work & had been pulled over w/dead tags, dead inspection, no insurance & no city sticker & w/my luck, for the first time in my life, this ASSHOLE cop told me my license was suspended! Long story short, it was a holiday, Martin Luther King Jr day - Jan 17th, 2011, and I told dude I had gotten nothing in the mail notifying me my license was suspended, although he insisted (the Judge later agreed w/me & threw out ALL 6 TICKETS!!!) but anyway, he told me I was a threat & danger to society & that I could kill someone. After me crying for 45min thinking I was going to jail for the first time in my life for not paying a NON-MOVING VIOLATION fine, I was hysterical. My mom even wanted to talk to the cop, and I told her balling like a baby "not even youuuu can talk my way outta this oneeee!" It was terrible.
Finally, the cop let me park my car in the garage on the next block, and made me walk home a 1/2mi in 14 degree weather. It also happened to be week two of me not smoking, and it was the first day I didn't wear "the patch." I don't think I've ever wanted a cigarette SO badly, as that shameful walk home.
Back to the story....this cop started taking 7-11's info & Shooz's info. Insurance, phone#, address etc. Shooz also happened to have an expired inspection sticker - it said 10/2010 & we were in 2/2011 - the cop looked at him, smiled, and then laughed & said, "You're inspection is dead, but I'm not going to ticket you, b/c you're in enough trouble." REALLY - are you fucking shitting me. I got the Fairfax City Dbag cop of the fucking year, and my ex-man runs thru 7-11 w/a cop who witnessed it, who, in reality, didn't even see anything, but was cool as shit, and didn't give him a ticket.....ain't that some shit??!!
All in all, I got my cigs, and my energy drink. I went to my Doctor's appt - everything was fine. It was like I was a born again Virgin....but not really. Thank goodness for stories in life we can look back & laugh at!
As of recently, I no longer talk to Shooz. He really pissed me off. He does know the blog though - on a softer note, if you read this Shooz, you know you fucked up lmao. I'm pretty sure you will never have as many kick ass stories as you had w/me. And don't worry, there are MANY more to come involving you. I hope LA is treating you well, and you're not doing anything I wouldn't do.....haha, j/k biaattcchh!
Friday, August 19, 2011
So I bought a voice recorder......to help me remember the craziness and....
Well, it hasn't helped much yet lol. I decided I needed one b/c whenever I'm drunk I always think of great stories I need to blog about. And then I wake up the next morning & don't remember at ALL the great stories I thought of blogging when I was drunk. So perfect solution, get a voice recorder, and it will make everything work out perfectly....not so much yet!
I have recorded random nights of our drunkeness & you hear a lot of slurred speech, drunk people yelling & laughing, and you can't really hear all of the stories! We have gotten some great random clips of audio though. Like at trivia, when my daughter was telling Jack Bauer he wasn't tall, he was short. And Jack Bauer's retardedness responded with "I'm not short, I just don't tuck in my shirt!" SAY WHAAAAA - you don't tuck in your shirt, and now all of a sudden that makes you look shorter?!?! HAHA lmfao - we got a great laugh out of that one!
Last nite would have been a GREAT nite to have used the recorder. There was a band - they were called "The Second Hand Band" playing at Firehouse for a a Breast Cancer awareness fundraiser & they were younger (like 21-23) so they had a lot of friends come out - hot, young, WHITE boys - they were white & I found them hot - amazing when that happens (for the record, I'm white, I just don't tend to like many white boys more than friends). I gave my # to 2 of the young dudes - one's name was Danny. The other guy, I have NO clue what his name was....one of them texted me last nite & I asked who it was & he responded "The guy from Firehouse." REALLY DUDE - you couldn't give me your name. So I wrote back & told him I didn't remember anyone's name lol. I mean c'mon man, we met at a bar after 9pm, alcohol flowing. You saved me in your phone...my phone was dead, don't expect me to remember, please!! Needless to say, he hasn't responded to me not knowing his name....obviously your first impression SUCKED buddy.
Anyway, had I pulled out my handy dandy recorder, I probably would know his name today. But oh well. His loss, not mine. I'll find another victim tonite - SKINS GAME BABY. I'm always down for a hot Skins fan :)
I have recorded random nights of our drunkeness & you hear a lot of slurred speech, drunk people yelling & laughing, and you can't really hear all of the stories! We have gotten some great random clips of audio though. Like at trivia, when my daughter was telling Jack Bauer he wasn't tall, he was short. And Jack Bauer's retardedness responded with "I'm not short, I just don't tuck in my shirt!" SAY WHAAAAA - you don't tuck in your shirt, and now all of a sudden that makes you look shorter?!?! HAHA lmfao - we got a great laugh out of that one!
Last nite would have been a GREAT nite to have used the recorder. There was a band - they were called "The Second Hand Band" playing at Firehouse for a a Breast Cancer awareness fundraiser & they were younger (like 21-23) so they had a lot of friends come out - hot, young, WHITE boys - they were white & I found them hot - amazing when that happens (for the record, I'm white, I just don't tend to like many white boys more than friends). I gave my # to 2 of the young dudes - one's name was Danny. The other guy, I have NO clue what his name was....one of them texted me last nite & I asked who it was & he responded "The guy from Firehouse." REALLY DUDE - you couldn't give me your name. So I wrote back & told him I didn't remember anyone's name lol. I mean c'mon man, we met at a bar after 9pm, alcohol flowing. You saved me in your phone...my phone was dead, don't expect me to remember, please!! Needless to say, he hasn't responded to me not knowing his name....obviously your first impression SUCKED buddy.
Anyway, had I pulled out my handy dandy recorder, I probably would know his name today. But oh well. His loss, not mine. I'll find another victim tonite - SKINS GAME BABY. I'm always down for a hot Skins fan :)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
NKOTBSB - Bitches, dreams do come true, well if you're as awesome as me!!!!!
Oh where to even begin. First, I need to take 12 hours to explain my NKOTBSB obsession haha. As a kid, like 5-9 y/o, I was obsessed w/New Kids on the Block (NKOTB). My room - sheets, curtains, posters - everything was NKOTB. I had the stage, all 5 dolls, shit, I used to make out w/Jordan Knight in the poster....seriously lmao! I was obsessed, but I never saw them in concert.....until I was 26. I got to meet them - it was incredible, but NOTHING compareable to this stroy!
Fast forward to 12, the summer I turned 13. I babysat this girl, Dakota. My dad's girlfriend knew her mom. Anyway, we were going to her brother's baseball game and she had the new "Tiger Beat" which she said had "The Blackstreet Boys" on the front. She knew I loved Blackstreet - "No Diggity" see you do know haha! When she got the the game, she handed me this magazine, w/these 5 you white boys, who I had never seen before. I silently laughed.....Backstreet Boys haha...not Blackstreet. I started following them thru magazines, and soon after, they released "Quit Playin Games w/my Heart." I immediately fell in love. Nick Carter, the hot, sexy, blond bombshell is the man of my dreams. There is nothing about him I'm not in love with!!!!! I've waited in line overnite for tickets, I skipped my senior prom to go to their concert I had been to 4 months earlier, I've driven hundreds of miles to concerts and the list goes on. When I got married (I was 18 and stupid) my husband made me throw out over 3,000 posters, pictures, concert memoribilia, paintings, etc. It is to this day, my only regret in life. My room would be BSB to the fullest. I have no shame.
My mom always said it was a phase I would grow out of. Every year....to this day, I don't think she realiuzes the level of ridiculousness of my obsession. I have had people tell me they respect my level of dedication, or wish they had an obsession to something the way I do to Nick Carter and BSB. I have spent 16 years, dreaming of the day I meet Nick Carter. Well, let me introduce you to one of the most ultimate and epic stories of all time. I got more than meeting Nick Carter. And let me tell you, it was 10millionx better than anything I could have ever imagined. Nick Carter made my biggest dream come true.....and OMG I seriously can't put into words all of the incredible emotions I felt. With the exception of bringing my incredible daughter, Taylor, into this world, nothing will ever top what went down at Boardwalk Hall, in Atlantic City, NJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had gone to their show in BMore in May, and I won tickets thru work in DC for their June show. In June, AwesomeA went w/me & we went 3 hours before the doors opened, to hang at the loading dock, PRAYING I could get a glimpse. We created the most awesome sign ever, GUARENTEED to get his attention. The poster read "NICK, I've been waiting 16 years to suck your dick, come take a pic" There was a smiley face w/jizz on it too - check it out:
Oh yeah, it was that amazing. So, I knew they were each about to pick a girl out of the audience to come on stage to be serenaded to "I'll Never Break Your Heart" and he had seen my poster, this was my biggest chance. He came into the audience, walked by me, looked at me, I touched his shoulder....and he kept walking. I was devestated. WTF do I need to do in order to get a picture w/my man damnit!!! Anyway, a minute or two goes by, and the other 3 guys are on stage and have a girl, but none of us can see Nick. As I look to the other side of the floor section, Nick is walking back around and DOESN'T HAVE A GIRL! He is walking closer, and says "I think I'm just going to have to close my eyes & pick a lovely lady!" NO DON"T CLOSE YOUR EYES - at this point I was less than 10 yards from him, poster up, yelling, "please, please Nick!" He looks me in the eye, smiles, say's "c'mon" and put his hand out - he took my hand in his hand and HOLY SHIT - 16 YEARS OF WAITING AND HE IS ABOUT TO MAKE MY EVERY DREAM COME TRUE. I could barely remember how to walk, so no I didn't ask a ton of questions, plus they were singing and I was in HEAVEN. He walked me about 25 yards down the catwalk, I was the last of the 4 girls. He put the stool in the middle of the stage, and as I went to sit down, he looked at me & said "hang on." He used his hand to wipe the seat clean, and then leaned down & blew off the seat, just to ensure it was perfect & ready for me. He had a rose, that he kept teasing me with, by putting it in my face like he was going to hand it to me, but then he would say "no no, don't touch - just smell it!" OMG I was DYING! He caressed my face & neck w/the rose, he grinded up on me, his ass was on me, he was on the floor in front of me - hell, he was into it as much as I was. HE EVEN CARESSED MY FEET - he didn't know me, and he touched my feet - HOLY CRAP :) Toward the end, he took my hand, and walked me back toward the front of the stage, holding my hand. Then he took my arm & put it around his waist, and he put his arm around my neck & shoulder, and I could have died right then. It was the most magical moment I could have asked for ever in my life. At the end of the stage, they lined the 4 girls up, and got down on 1 knee to sing the last line acapella. When it was over, Nick gave me a HUGE hug, and I FINALLY WAS ABLE TO ASK FOR THE PICTURE I'VE BEEN WAITING 16 YEARS FOR:
Fast forward to 12, the summer I turned 13. I babysat this girl, Dakota. My dad's girlfriend knew her mom. Anyway, we were going to her brother's baseball game and she had the new "Tiger Beat" which she said had "The Blackstreet Boys" on the front. She knew I loved Blackstreet - "No Diggity" see you do know haha! When she got the the game, she handed me this magazine, w/these 5 you white boys, who I had never seen before. I silently laughed.....Backstreet Boys haha...not Blackstreet. I started following them thru magazines, and soon after, they released "Quit Playin Games w/my Heart." I immediately fell in love. Nick Carter, the hot, sexy, blond bombshell is the man of my dreams. There is nothing about him I'm not in love with!!!!! I've waited in line overnite for tickets, I skipped my senior prom to go to their concert I had been to 4 months earlier, I've driven hundreds of miles to concerts and the list goes on. When I got married (I was 18 and stupid) my husband made me throw out over 3,000 posters, pictures, concert memoribilia, paintings, etc. It is to this day, my only regret in life. My room would be BSB to the fullest. I have no shame.
My mom always said it was a phase I would grow out of. Every year....to this day, I don't think she realiuzes the level of ridiculousness of my obsession. I have had people tell me they respect my level of dedication, or wish they had an obsession to something the way I do to Nick Carter and BSB. I have spent 16 years, dreaming of the day I meet Nick Carter. Well, let me introduce you to one of the most ultimate and epic stories of all time. I got more than meeting Nick Carter. And let me tell you, it was 10millionx better than anything I could have ever imagined. Nick Carter made my biggest dream come true.....and OMG I seriously can't put into words all of the incredible emotions I felt. With the exception of bringing my incredible daughter, Taylor, into this world, nothing will ever top what went down at Boardwalk Hall, in Atlantic City, NJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had gone to their show in BMore in May, and I won tickets thru work in DC for their June show. In June, AwesomeA went w/me & we went 3 hours before the doors opened, to hang at the loading dock, PRAYING I could get a glimpse. We created the most awesome sign ever, GUARENTEED to get his attention. The poster read "NICK, I've been waiting 16 years to suck your dick, come take a pic" There was a smiley face w/jizz on it too - check it out:
Yup, I have no shame. At least 100-150 people took pictures of the poster, w/me, I was all over Twitter & FB - it was awesome! We ended up meeting the owner of District, the club where Nick & Howie were going to for the after party. He said he would def get us in the club, but my poster was the best he had ever seen, so he would try to get us in the private meet & greet. Nick's gf saw my poster long before the show started, and I think she wasn't having it, so I didn't get to meet him, but we did get into the club free, cut the line too! We got there JUST as Nick came out and for the FIRST time in my life, I TOUCHED NICK CARTER. I thought I was going to die!!! Anyway, he made his way to the DJ booth and I was taking pictures, and holding up my sign, freaking. Finally, you could see Nick point at the sign, and he read along "Nick, I've been waiting 16 years to suck your dick..." his jaw his the floor and he mouthed "OMG," smiled, and turned away to his gf. But hell, he saw it & knew I wasn't kidding. I was SUPER EXCITED. So what else would I do besides bring the same damn poster to Atlantic City - that's a memorable poster damnit!
I got to Boardwalk Hall in AC at 8:30, just as the music started for them to all come on stage. Screw the opening acts, I could have cared less about seeing them again. I was so pumped. I got to my seat & it was amazing. I was at the very end of the catwalk/stage, 6 rows back & 1 seat from the walkway, where I knew he would walk by, from seeing the other shows. About 1 hour into the show, Nick was standing at the end of the catwalk, and I saw him squint his eyes, reading my poster. He got halfway thru reading it & he got a huge smile & started laughing. I knew he recognized it immediately. He pulled his ear piece out, went over to AJ, said something in his ear & they smiled. About 2 min later, Nick pointed at my poster & said to the crowd "Wow, there's a lot of GREAT posters out there tonite!" I have a picture of him pointing!
Oh yeah, it was that amazing. So, I knew they were each about to pick a girl out of the audience to come on stage to be serenaded to "I'll Never Break Your Heart" and he had seen my poster, this was my biggest chance. He came into the audience, walked by me, looked at me, I touched his shoulder....and he kept walking. I was devestated. WTF do I need to do in order to get a picture w/my man damnit!!! Anyway, a minute or two goes by, and the other 3 guys are on stage and have a girl, but none of us can see Nick. As I look to the other side of the floor section, Nick is walking back around and DOESN'T HAVE A GIRL! He is walking closer, and says "I think I'm just going to have to close my eyes & pick a lovely lady!" NO DON"T CLOSE YOUR EYES - at this point I was less than 10 yards from him, poster up, yelling, "please, please Nick!" He looks me in the eye, smiles, say's "c'mon" and put his hand out - he took my hand in his hand and HOLY SHIT - 16 YEARS OF WAITING AND HE IS ABOUT TO MAKE MY EVERY DREAM COME TRUE. I could barely remember how to walk, so no I didn't ask a ton of questions, plus they were singing and I was in HEAVEN. He walked me about 25 yards down the catwalk, I was the last of the 4 girls. He put the stool in the middle of the stage, and as I went to sit down, he looked at me & said "hang on." He used his hand to wipe the seat clean, and then leaned down & blew off the seat, just to ensure it was perfect & ready for me. He had a rose, that he kept teasing me with, by putting it in my face like he was going to hand it to me, but then he would say "no no, don't touch - just smell it!" OMG I was DYING! He caressed my face & neck w/the rose, he grinded up on me, his ass was on me, he was on the floor in front of me - hell, he was into it as much as I was. HE EVEN CARESSED MY FEET - he didn't know me, and he touched my feet - HOLY CRAP :) Toward the end, he took my hand, and walked me back toward the front of the stage, holding my hand. Then he took my arm & put it around his waist, and he put his arm around my neck & shoulder, and I could have died right then. It was the most magical moment I could have asked for ever in my life. At the end of the stage, they lined the 4 girls up, and got down on 1 knee to sing the last line acapella. When it was over, Nick gave me a HUGE hug, and I FINALLY WAS ABLE TO ASK FOR THE PICTURE I'VE BEEN WAITING 16 YEARS FOR:
BE JEALOUS B/C YES, THAT'S ME ON STAGE W/NICK CARTER OF BSB!!!!!!!!
I left the concert after that - hell I had seen it twice already, and nothing was going to top that. I look back and yeah, I probably could have gone to wait for their buses, or to Harrah's to the pool party, but I didn't want to steal ALL the thunder in 1 night - there are other girls too who will never get what I did. So I will one day have my moment w/him, suck his dick, and he will fuck me like no other. I know it's going to happen :)
C-Murder suggested I try looking for vidoes on youtube. GENIUS idea. I found one someone recorded of all 4 of us, but it wasn't the greatest b/c I found a video a girl recorded that starts about 30 seconds into the song, and she got 3 1/2 minutes of the entire thing. You can totally tell Nick is just as into it & was ready. If you pause at about 1:09/1:10 he is less than 3cenimeters from my face, about to french kiss me - not just kiss me lol. For your viewing pleasure: THE MOMENT OF MY LIFE!
NOTHING WILL EVER TOP NKOTBSB ATLANTIC CITY 2011. Well, until the day I do suck his dick ;)
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
My 28th Birthday Shit Show that lasted barely 2 hours!
So my actually birthday fell on a Monday this year - worst day ever to party! So I worked a 1/2 day from home, and took off the other half. That way I could still sleep in & recover from Sunday, but be off early enough to start drinking by 3. I had to call into a meeting at work from 2-3, so I cracked my first Miller at 2. By 4, I had 5 or 6 at home. I took a shower & was ready to head to Firehouse to meet BRock, LadyJ, Ginger & whoever else was going to be there buying me drinks!
As soon as we got there, the shots began. I started easy w/a buttery nipple - they are my fave, and it was my fucking birthday, don't judge! A guy, Brad, we know was up there too w/his boy. We took a shot - it had Jameson in it. I can drink 20 beers, no problem. I NEVER drink liquor & am not good at handling it. JAMESON - wtf was he thinking. Shit was nasty. Then he bought another shot not even 10min later w/Wild Turkey or some shit - wtf was he thinking. I remember Ginger buying me some blue shot - I have no idea wtf it was.
I remember going outside to smoke a cigarette, about 7:15ish & Kevin & Travis drove by - they were on their way to setup for the fastest bartending contest at Icons. They screamed Happy Birthday & I then remember them being at Firehouse a short time after. That's about all I remember until I remember puking my brains out at home - right about 8:15pm - I didn't last long.
Once BRock came over a couple days later for trivia, he filled me in on some of the foggy details. Once Travis got there, he bought me a shot as well. Someone else bought me a shot - I had about 8 shots apparently. I remember taking about 4 - this was all in a 2 hour period. No wonder I was shit faced - don't forget, I had a 6 pack before I got there, and I had at least another 5 or 6 beers at the bar on top of these shots! So I thought it would be a great idea to go w/someone at the bar to their car & get high - WTF WHAT I THINKING! I don't remember much after that. I don't even remember going out to the car to smoke - that should have been a sign I didn't need to smoke. After that, BRock said I was done for. I made it about another 10 min - BRock has a picture of me passed on AT THE BAR by 7:45pm - I can't find it right now, sorry!
He also has some great pics of me outside of the bar, next to his car, puking my brains out - all you see is a trail of liquid - there was zero food in my system. Makes even more sense now haha. So after about 10min of puking & dry heaving, he convinced me to get in his car & that I could make it home. I remember laying on the couch asking for the trash can. BRock has informed me before laying on the couch, I went in the bathroom to puke some more, but after 5min, he came in & I was halfway passed out, curled up on the bathroom floor. He pretty much dragged me into the living room & threw me on the couch. At that point I asked for a dry papertowel to put on my forehead - yes, b/c dry papertowels totally help when you're wasted. The last thing I remember is the room spinning, one leg on the couch, the other on the floor & I was passed out by 8:30pm - shitfaced. The bright side of passing out early on your bday - no hangover the next day!
I wish I had made it longer - that's the biggest bday fail on my part to date, but I partied my ass off the entire Thurs-Mon & it was another great year. I didn't get laid on my bday - I couldn't function, but I got laid 2 nites later - postponed bday sex works for me!
As soon as we got there, the shots began. I started easy w/a buttery nipple - they are my fave, and it was my fucking birthday, don't judge! A guy, Brad, we know was up there too w/his boy. We took a shot - it had Jameson in it. I can drink 20 beers, no problem. I NEVER drink liquor & am not good at handling it. JAMESON - wtf was he thinking. Shit was nasty. Then he bought another shot not even 10min later w/Wild Turkey or some shit - wtf was he thinking. I remember Ginger buying me some blue shot - I have no idea wtf it was.
I remember going outside to smoke a cigarette, about 7:15ish & Kevin & Travis drove by - they were on their way to setup for the fastest bartending contest at Icons. They screamed Happy Birthday & I then remember them being at Firehouse a short time after. That's about all I remember until I remember puking my brains out at home - right about 8:15pm - I didn't last long.
Once BRock came over a couple days later for trivia, he filled me in on some of the foggy details. Once Travis got there, he bought me a shot as well. Someone else bought me a shot - I had about 8 shots apparently. I remember taking about 4 - this was all in a 2 hour period. No wonder I was shit faced - don't forget, I had a 6 pack before I got there, and I had at least another 5 or 6 beers at the bar on top of these shots! So I thought it would be a great idea to go w/someone at the bar to their car & get high - WTF WHAT I THINKING! I don't remember much after that. I don't even remember going out to the car to smoke - that should have been a sign I didn't need to smoke. After that, BRock said I was done for. I made it about another 10 min - BRock has a picture of me passed on AT THE BAR by 7:45pm - I can't find it right now, sorry!
He also has some great pics of me outside of the bar, next to his car, puking my brains out - all you see is a trail of liquid - there was zero food in my system. Makes even more sense now haha. So after about 10min of puking & dry heaving, he convinced me to get in his car & that I could make it home. I remember laying on the couch asking for the trash can. BRock has informed me before laying on the couch, I went in the bathroom to puke some more, but after 5min, he came in & I was halfway passed out, curled up on the bathroom floor. He pretty much dragged me into the living room & threw me on the couch. At that point I asked for a dry papertowel to put on my forehead - yes, b/c dry papertowels totally help when you're wasted. The last thing I remember is the room spinning, one leg on the couch, the other on the floor & I was passed out by 8:30pm - shitfaced. The bright side of passing out early on your bday - no hangover the next day!
I wish I had made it longer - that's the biggest bday fail on my part to date, but I partied my ass off the entire Thurs-Mon & it was another great year. I didn't get laid on my bday - I couldn't function, but I got laid 2 nites later - postponed bday sex works for me!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the Kitchen after meeting new, awesome people!
So one Friday night, maybe back in February 2011 or so, my ex, Shooz, was working. So I went to Firehouse, our local bar (it's pretty much like Cheers - everybody knows your name - and your drink is awaiting your arrival once you walk in!) But anyway, I met up w/LadyJ & we met some random Mason kids we had never seen there before. Some weird white dude, & Youssef, this cool Egyptian kid. We all ended up getting TWISTED. We closed the bar, and as we left, I invited them both back to my house b/c Shooz & I were going to smoke, he had just gotten off work. Well, when I told Shooz...he was pissed. Apparently meeting new guys is not possible w/out wanting to fuck them, or them wanting to fuck me - wtfever. So, when the guys pulled up, I went outside to meet them, and Shooz went upstairs.
They ended up parking a few houses down from my house, so I walked down that way. There were a few people sitting outside chillin & drinking. I had seen them before, but there aren't many young people in our neighborhood, so I had never said anything. Well, thank goodness I was nice & shitfaced. I had my bowl in my hand, ready to go. I walked up to them & bluntly asked "you guys smoke weed?" And that was the night I met the neighbor's. Four of the most kickass, chill, fun people I have met. We instantly bonded!
I don't remember everything that happened that night, b/c we were TRASHED. Smoking, drinking too much. I stayed over there until about 6am when Shooz came & got me. I have already had some great memories w/the neighbor's & can't wait for many more!
I'm sure you're wondering why this post story is called "Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the Kitchen" when there hasn't been a word about Kung Fu Ninja Kicks. Well, the next day, Saturday, I went over to the neighbor's about 6pm...to smoke. I was already tipsy b/c I had been out w/CBizzle all day drinking :) Shocker! Anyway, when I walked in the neighbor's house, there she was, AwesomeasticA, on the chair w/her leg up on the footrest, in a brace. WTF happened?!?!?! Apparently, I missed the fun once I left. AwesomeasticA was doing Kung Fu Ninja Kicks at 6am in the kitchen, which she had done millions of times before, but this time, she landed on her foot wrong - AND BROKE HER FOOT!!! She broke her foot doing Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the fucking kitchen - to this day, the best story I've heard of someone breaking their foot. I knew immediately she & I would be awesome friends :)
They ended up parking a few houses down from my house, so I walked down that way. There were a few people sitting outside chillin & drinking. I had seen them before, but there aren't many young people in our neighborhood, so I had never said anything. Well, thank goodness I was nice & shitfaced. I had my bowl in my hand, ready to go. I walked up to them & bluntly asked "you guys smoke weed?" And that was the night I met the neighbor's. Four of the most kickass, chill, fun people I have met. We instantly bonded!
I don't remember everything that happened that night, b/c we were TRASHED. Smoking, drinking too much. I stayed over there until about 6am when Shooz came & got me. I have already had some great memories w/the neighbor's & can't wait for many more!
I'm sure you're wondering why this post story is called "Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the Kitchen" when there hasn't been a word about Kung Fu Ninja Kicks. Well, the next day, Saturday, I went over to the neighbor's about 6pm...to smoke. I was already tipsy b/c I had been out w/CBizzle all day drinking :) Shocker! Anyway, when I walked in the neighbor's house, there she was, AwesomeasticA, on the chair w/her leg up on the footrest, in a brace. WTF happened?!?!?! Apparently, I missed the fun once I left. AwesomeasticA was doing Kung Fu Ninja Kicks at 6am in the kitchen, which she had done millions of times before, but this time, she landed on her foot wrong - AND BROKE HER FOOT!!! She broke her foot doing Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the fucking kitchen - to this day, the best story I've heard of someone breaking their foot. I knew immediately she & I would be awesome friends :)
Friday, July 8, 2011
Onto Embarcaderco & SF BITCHES!
So we get on the train.....and I have no clue how long the ride was. Maybe 15-20min?? So by the time we got into downtown SF, it was almost midnite - that was 3am in my body time. I was exhausted. I didn't want to take the Muni to the L or whatever the hell I was supposed to do. So I told dude I wanted to cab it. He flagged down a cab & got in w/me....ummmm how was I going to get rid of this guy in a city I knew NOTHING about?? I told him I was in desperate need of beer. We stopped at some bodegas type place - had to have at least 30 different kinds of rolling papers, tons of glass & lots of other shit. $20 for an 18 pack of Bud Light - I was going to be poor in no time at this rate! So luckily after I got this beer, dude told me he would have to go his own way (thank goddd!)
I got back in the cab, gave him the address & I'm pretty sure dude took every street possible to get to DJ-JSlice's house & proceeded to tell me he didn't take credit cards - it's fucking SF what do you mean you don't take credit cards??!! So we drove around the corner to a bank, I got home, paid dude & went upstairs.
I was officially in SF, in my boy's house w/not a damn thing to do. I sat around for about 45min crushing a few beers, smoking a bowl. I couldn't figure out the tv at all, so I didn't fuck w/it. Then I heard a knock on the front door - that's when I met, Wren, her man & Mark. I went upstairs to their apartment, where we drank beer & wine until 5am, Mark & I blew some REALLY good white stuff (that happened until about 10am Sunday morning!) & we all just chilled, listening to music, telling stories & going thru all these kids books - Wren was doing some kind of fundraiser for a charity & people had donated TONS of kids books. Some were hilarious, some inappropriate, but we went thru them all!
By Sun morning at 10am, we had crushed the 18 beers & a bottle of wine. It was time to pass out. I woke up about 5 hours later & got ready to walk to Safeway & get some beer & snacks. Thank goodness Safeway was only 100 yards away....down a hill big enough to sled on! I scored a 30 pack on sale for $20 - SOLD, what a deal. Carrying that 30 pack back up that hill was a BITCH. I had to stop twice...that hill was no fucking joke at all!
By the time I got back, Mark & his boy were already back & we started drinking, about 4pm Sunday afternoon (it was Labor Day weekend, so Monday was a holiday). So after hours of drinking, we walked to get some pizza around the corner - and I TOOK MY BEER W/ME - thru the streets. No one cared that I was walking w/a beer. The pizza place didn't care I drank the beer in their joint. It was the best city EVER. Mark & I ended up getting some more white goodies, late that nite, and we proceeded another night of the same shit over. It was kick ass - chillin at the neighbor's place, getting wasted & having fun! I have no idea what time I went to sleep that morning - it was like 8 or 9am Monday morning. DJ-JSlice was coming back today & I was sciced!!! I ended up having like 3 hours to kill by myself & I was bored out of my mind. What would I have done if I hadn't met the neighbor's for 2 days!! About 5pm, DJ-JSlice was home.
He told me we needed to run by the mall to pick up his laptop from Apple, then we would go to this park - I want to say Dorothy Park lmao, but I know that's not right. I don't remember, I just remember we took a bottle of wine, 2 glasses, and lots of green. I was SO THRILLED at the idea of a park where there would be TONS of people, drinking & smoking. I was in for even more surprises :)
I got back in the cab, gave him the address & I'm pretty sure dude took every street possible to get to DJ-JSlice's house & proceeded to tell me he didn't take credit cards - it's fucking SF what do you mean you don't take credit cards??!! So we drove around the corner to a bank, I got home, paid dude & went upstairs.
I was officially in SF, in my boy's house w/not a damn thing to do. I sat around for about 45min crushing a few beers, smoking a bowl. I couldn't figure out the tv at all, so I didn't fuck w/it. Then I heard a knock on the front door - that's when I met, Wren, her man & Mark. I went upstairs to their apartment, where we drank beer & wine until 5am, Mark & I blew some REALLY good white stuff (that happened until about 10am Sunday morning!) & we all just chilled, listening to music, telling stories & going thru all these kids books - Wren was doing some kind of fundraiser for a charity & people had donated TONS of kids books. Some were hilarious, some inappropriate, but we went thru them all!
By Sun morning at 10am, we had crushed the 18 beers & a bottle of wine. It was time to pass out. I woke up about 5 hours later & got ready to walk to Safeway & get some beer & snacks. Thank goodness Safeway was only 100 yards away....down a hill big enough to sled on! I scored a 30 pack on sale for $20 - SOLD, what a deal. Carrying that 30 pack back up that hill was a BITCH. I had to stop twice...that hill was no fucking joke at all!
By the time I got back, Mark & his boy were already back & we started drinking, about 4pm Sunday afternoon (it was Labor Day weekend, so Monday was a holiday). So after hours of drinking, we walked to get some pizza around the corner - and I TOOK MY BEER W/ME - thru the streets. No one cared that I was walking w/a beer. The pizza place didn't care I drank the beer in their joint. It was the best city EVER. Mark & I ended up getting some more white goodies, late that nite, and we proceeded another night of the same shit over. It was kick ass - chillin at the neighbor's place, getting wasted & having fun! I have no idea what time I went to sleep that morning - it was like 8 or 9am Monday morning. DJ-JSlice was coming back today & I was sciced!!! I ended up having like 3 hours to kill by myself & I was bored out of my mind. What would I have done if I hadn't met the neighbor's for 2 days!! About 5pm, DJ-JSlice was home.
He told me we needed to run by the mall to pick up his laptop from Apple, then we would go to this park - I want to say Dorothy Park lmao, but I know that's not right. I don't remember, I just remember we took a bottle of wine, 2 glasses, and lots of green. I was SO THRILLED at the idea of a park where there would be TONS of people, drinking & smoking. I was in for even more surprises :)
Friday, July 1, 2011
San Fran - best vacay of my life. Sept 2010
Ok so this will probably be broken into a few blogs. It's a lot to share. And every moment of it was worth doing over at least 100x. Life in San Fran (SF) is thaaaa shiiiittt!
So my boy - umm we'll call him DJ-JSlice....I just left him a voicemail to let me know what he wants to be called, but he didn't answer, so DJ-JSlice is my temp name! Anyway....I met this kid playing free poker at the local bars in Fairfax. I'm pretty sure it was the first nite I had ever met him - at the lower level bar of the Best Western, which is still the skaniest, piece of shit hotel in Fairfax City - playing poker. I was outside, on the phone, smoking a cigarette. Once I got off (the phone fuckface), he came up to me & we talked for a little bit. I mean, at first, for a white dude (I'm not really into white dudes, except Tucker Max - he's my new idol!) he was good looking. He seemed beyond chill as shit & whatever. There was a lot in between the moment we met to our friendship now, but I will say, we never hooked up, and I think that's why DJ-JSlice actually has respect for me, and I have respect for him. It doesn't happen often :)
Anyway, the day or two before flying to SF, DJ-JSlice called me. He had all these detailed instructions for me to follow...ummm shit, I was walking into a concert w/my ex, Shooz. I had nothing to write on & my memory can't remember shit. He was leaving for Burning Man. If you don't know what that is, I will sum it up, but Google tha shit - you won't believe your eyes. It's this amazing festival. It's sort of like a West Coast Bonnaroo (God C-Murder, I hope I spelled that right - she works at Bonnaroo every year!!!) It's in the middle of a dessert (desert - whichever) in NV (that's Nevada dumbass). There is nothing around. No internet. No phone service. No nothing. Just a few hundred thousand people, fucked up for a week, doing whatever it is they do at Burning Man (when I go, I will have 100 thousand blogs about it!!!) So to put it out there mildly, I had no contact w/DJ-JSlice! LUCKILY, wtf are the chances, his upstairs neighbors, who were watching his kickass dog, Norie...were kickass people. There was Wren, who was an artist & from HERNDON, VA & went to Bishop Ireton. And her boyfriend from Jersey, and their hot friend Mark. He caused some trouble in my relationship w/Shooz, but I'm pretty sure to this day, he has no IDEA he caused any problems w/me & Shooz lol. Funny how the world works.WTF ARE THE CHANCES that LadyJ went to school w/her, (Wren) but was a couple years ahead. WTF OMG - IN SF I met this girl - CRAZINESS! Anyway, I called Wren the day of my flight. I was so sciced - more than a kid in a candy store.
My flight landed in Oakland - at about 10:30pm their time. My ex was from LA. All he emphasized was "once you get off the plane, get on the bus to the BART & DON'T do ANYTHING IN OAKLAND," as well as, "DON'T CHEAT ON ME!" Two simple rules - I can handle that! As soon as I got my bags, I got on the bus to the BART. $3 - it was easy to find. Here I am, in a city I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on. I am amazed. I did get cut-off 3 beers, 2 mixed drinks & 1 shot into the flight...2 hours, into the 6 hour flight. I was pissed. I was even wearing my "Texts From Last Night" shirt that I ordered - it clearly read - "(703):"She said, and I quote "I want to black out with my rack out!" THAT SHIRT WAS FUCKING MADE FOR ME - SERIOUSLY. That bitch was my twin sister, I swear, although, I don't know her. (Whoever the bitch was that said that greatness!)
Anyway, I get to the BART station. Now, I love black people more than anyone. In high school, I thought I was black. XXL Tupac/Biggie shirts, cornrows, the only White girl at Homecoming in our group of 15, etc...But besides the shady ass, "Oakland Police Dept" which I have ZERO FAITH IN, I was the only White person. I believe I was also the only person above the age of ummm....about 16. It was unreal. Where the fuck were these kids parents??
By the way, totally off the subject - guess what I found out tonite??!! DJ-JSlice is coming into town July 10-16th for work!!!!! He won't party much b/c he's a lot more responsible than I, but shit, we're going out to dinner one nite & I'm gonna get him out another. Within three months, I will be in SF again. I miss it too much - the best trip of my life, best city of my life. Hollar back bitches, hollar back! Since I won't remember, I will remind myself that the next story is about he Bart ride w/the Russian Mafia, the $22 18 pack, the cab ride home that didn't take credit cards...and shit, meeting Wren, her man, & Mark. OH Shit this is going to be a story ;)
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So the metro card station shit - they're a little different than the Metro in D.C. There, you punch in how much $ you need on your card & you pay. All I knew was I had to take the BART to the Embarcaderco station & take the L Muni to some street...get off, walk & be there. So I couldn't enter how much $ I wanted to add...what the fuck! I finally see a normal looking White guy..so I thought. He had this THICK Russian accent...great the fucking Oakland/SF Russian Mob is helping me...are you fucking kidding. I have 2 bags of luggage w/me. I tell this guy where I'm going, he helps me, takes my luggage & we go down the elevator. At this point, I'm so sober I want to cry. Had I been drunk, this would have been tolerable. I see some 14 year old (or so) white bitches who look like they're rolling face...if you don't know what that is, why the FUCK are you reading this??!! Anyway, finally whatever train we needed, came! I was on my way to SF bitches.....if only I knew what I was about to be in for!!!!!!!!!!!
So my boy - umm we'll call him DJ-JSlice....I just left him a voicemail to let me know what he wants to be called, but he didn't answer, so DJ-JSlice is my temp name! Anyway....I met this kid playing free poker at the local bars in Fairfax. I'm pretty sure it was the first nite I had ever met him - at the lower level bar of the Best Western, which is still the skaniest, piece of shit hotel in Fairfax City - playing poker. I was outside, on the phone, smoking a cigarette. Once I got off (the phone fuckface), he came up to me & we talked for a little bit. I mean, at first, for a white dude (I'm not really into white dudes, except Tucker Max - he's my new idol!) he was good looking. He seemed beyond chill as shit & whatever. There was a lot in between the moment we met to our friendship now, but I will say, we never hooked up, and I think that's why DJ-JSlice actually has respect for me, and I have respect for him. It doesn't happen often :)
Anyway, the day or two before flying to SF, DJ-JSlice called me. He had all these detailed instructions for me to follow...ummm shit, I was walking into a concert w/my ex, Shooz. I had nothing to write on & my memory can't remember shit. He was leaving for Burning Man. If you don't know what that is, I will sum it up, but Google tha shit - you won't believe your eyes. It's this amazing festival. It's sort of like a West Coast Bonnaroo (God C-Murder, I hope I spelled that right - she works at Bonnaroo every year!!!) It's in the middle of a dessert (desert - whichever) in NV (that's Nevada dumbass). There is nothing around. No internet. No phone service. No nothing. Just a few hundred thousand people, fucked up for a week, doing whatever it is they do at Burning Man (when I go, I will have 100 thousand blogs about it!!!) So to put it out there mildly, I had no contact w/DJ-JSlice! LUCKILY, wtf are the chances, his upstairs neighbors, who were watching his kickass dog, Norie...were kickass people. There was Wren, who was an artist & from HERNDON, VA & went to Bishop Ireton. And her boyfriend from Jersey, and their hot friend Mark. He caused some trouble in my relationship w/Shooz, but I'm pretty sure to this day, he has no IDEA he caused any problems w/me & Shooz lol. Funny how the world works.WTF ARE THE CHANCES that LadyJ went to school w/her, (Wren) but was a couple years ahead. WTF OMG - IN SF I met this girl - CRAZINESS! Anyway, I called Wren the day of my flight. I was so sciced - more than a kid in a candy store.
My flight landed in Oakland - at about 10:30pm their time. My ex was from LA. All he emphasized was "once you get off the plane, get on the bus to the BART & DON'T do ANYTHING IN OAKLAND," as well as, "DON'T CHEAT ON ME!" Two simple rules - I can handle that! As soon as I got my bags, I got on the bus to the BART. $3 - it was easy to find. Here I am, in a city I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on. I am amazed. I did get cut-off 3 beers, 2 mixed drinks & 1 shot into the flight...2 hours, into the 6 hour flight. I was pissed. I was even wearing my "Texts From Last Night" shirt that I ordered - it clearly read - "(703):"She said, and I quote "I want to black out with my rack out!" THAT SHIRT WAS FUCKING MADE FOR ME - SERIOUSLY. That bitch was my twin sister, I swear, although, I don't know her. (Whoever the bitch was that said that greatness!)
Anyway, I get to the BART station. Now, I love black people more than anyone. In high school, I thought I was black. XXL Tupac/Biggie shirts, cornrows, the only White girl at Homecoming in our group of 15, etc...But besides the shady ass, "Oakland Police Dept" which I have ZERO FAITH IN, I was the only White person. I believe I was also the only person above the age of ummm....about 16. It was unreal. Where the fuck were these kids parents??
By the way, totally off the subject - guess what I found out tonite??!! DJ-JSlice is coming into town July 10-16th for work!!!!! He won't party much b/c he's a lot more responsible than I, but shit, we're going out to dinner one nite & I'm gonna get him out another. Within three months, I will be in SF again. I miss it too much - the best trip of my life, best city of my life. Hollar back bitches, hollar back! Since I won't remember, I will remind myself that the next story is about he Bart ride w/the Russian Mafia, the $22 18 pack, the cab ride home that didn't take credit cards...and shit, meeting Wren, her man, & Mark. OH Shit this is going to be a story ;)
Insane birthday dinners & pink toenails!
So my mom, B-Rock & I went back to the house so my mom & I could change, and B-Rock could crush some beers. I'm not sure how many he crushed, but judging the way the night went, quite a few! We decided to go to Outback - one of my faves, but my mom insisted on stopping by a hotel in Fairfax first, to see what it would cost to stay for the night. Granted my room is a bit messy, she had never done this before & it seemed odd, but whatever, I went w/it. After the hotel, we drove over to Outback.
As we were getting out of the car, I look up & there is C-Murder & Ginger - what, they pulled a surprise dinner over on me too!!! We go inside, and in walks CHBizzle & BDizzle - holy crap.....we get to the table & I find out LadyJ is on her way, but she was lost....how, I don't know - alcohol I would assume. We sit down & begin ordering drinks. Things were chill at first, from what I can remember, but then the waitress started to get snappy, which I wasn't down with. It's my bday dinner bitch, don't fuck w/me. I look up from the menu and almost fall out of my chair - STEPH & MATT. She is one of my old co-workers & good friends & Matt is her kick-ass husband. I hadn't seen them in forever, though we had tried to plan a lot of stuff, it just didn't seem to work out. I was so happy to have them & everyone else there!!!!
As the waitress continued to reach across a table of 10 of us to grab empty glasses, she put her hands around the rim of the new glasses - this did NOT please my mama by any means. My mom is REALLY BIG on manners & service etc etc - she was raised very well, as was I, but don't seem to listen as much as she did :) At one point, the waitress couldn't reach my glass (well bitch, walk around to the glass & maybe you could!) & she looked at me, waving her hand, saying "glass, glass - can you give me the glass?" BITCH WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO - THIS IS ME. GET THE FUCKING GLASS YOURSELF. I'm pretty sure I said something along those lines as well.
Anyway, when our food came, that's when the shit show began. First, B-Rock ordered quesadillas - one of them had fallen off of the plate, onto the tray. Most normal servers would say"I'm sorry, let me get you a new plate." Not this crazy bitch - she looked a B-Rock, dead serious, & said "Oh I don't want to put my hands on your food - can you pick that one up that fell off the tray?" Ummmm wtf! I'm pretty sure you touching it w/your hands would be less dirty than picking it up off of that nasty ass tray. But was does drunk B-Rock do - "I don't give a shit, I'll eat it!" And faces the whole thing in one bite. I thought my mom wasn't ever going to be able to pick her jaw up off tha floor! It wasn't pretty so far.
At this point, we were all getting drunker, and louder, except CHBizzle & BDizzle. You could tell they were dis-pleased w/the way the dinner was going, but we were def having a good time.
So, basically, B-Rock & I have this mutual understanding - whatever I don't finish on my plate, B-Rock finishes for me, after his food is done (which is usually before I've eaten 1/4 of my plate lol). Well, I suppose drunk B-Rock thought it would be a GREAT idea to start eating off my plate WITH THIS FINGERS. Straight scooped mashed potatoes off my plate w/his fingers, and just ate them. Picked my green beans up w/his fingers. Every time he did this I would loudly yell "Get your fucking fingers out of my food!" It wasn't getting the point across....I thought my mom was going to fall out of her chair by this point. She was a bit tipsy as well, and leaned over & whispered to me "T-Boz, if he puts his fingers in your food one more TIME, I am going to STAB HIM w/my fork!" She was pissed lol. So I leaned over to B-Rock & said "If you put your fucking fingers in my food ONE more time, my mom is going to STAB YOU w/her fork - so stop!"
After this, we convinced him to use a fork - something the other 9 of us had been doing :) Some other loud, rude jokes went on, it took a good 30min for the new server (we requested her after the other bitch completely lost her mind) to split up our tab & we just got drunker lol. We finally paid tabs, and everyone came to the house, except, CHBizzle & BDizzle who went home, as well as Ginger.
We got beer & the rest of us went back to the house. My mom hung out for a while, and after about 30min, B-Rock was passed out in the chair - wasted. My mom eventually went upstairs, and the fun began!
Matt noticed the hot pink nail polish on the table - light bulb! Don't pass out first w/a bunch of drunk people around B-Rock. We did the only logical thing - painted the boys toes pink. He did not move to slightly wake up. C-Murder took a video & at one of the madness going down, and I was squeezing B-Rock's foot SO hard while painting his left foot, his toes were BRIGHT white in the video - no circulation. We got a good laugh watching the video. After we painted his toes, we took a nice black sharpee & went to town on his feet. We drew spirals & swirls, flowers, hearts, drew my NKOTBSB tatttoo on the side of his foot (New Kids on the Block & Backstreet Boys lmao) & some other crazy random shit, including my autograph! I didn't want to wait for him to wake up for work at 6am Sunday, b/c I wouldn't have seen his response. So I decided to wake him up - hell he had at least a 1 or 2 hour drunk nap. LadyJ wasn't thrilled w/the idea of waking him up, b/c she thought he would be pissed. I know B-Rock - he doesn't get pissed at shit like this!
So I awoke him, and said something along the lines of "your toes are pretty." He just looked down, saw his feet, and started busting out laughing!!! (Told you he wouldn't get pissed!) He thought it was hilarious & agreed b/c he had fallen asleep, that's what happens! He was such a sport, he even let me keep drawing w/the sharpee once he was awake! B-Rock mentioned he would be going to work like that (he's a vet-tech so I think he only had to walk animals, give shots etc - not actually see people!) so he went to work, in sandals, with pink toe nails & almost black feet :) That pleased me lol.
As the night began to wind down (it had to be at least 3am at this point) people were leaving & I was pretty much giving B-Rock a lap dance (w/our clothes on you perv) in front of my friends. Shit, I was wasted, horny & ready for sex!
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Everyone left the living room, C-Murder to her room, LadyJ to her room & everyone else home. With my mom in my room, the only place to get freaky was the living room couch. We had some good, drunk sex that nite. And when I woke up in the morning B-Rock was gone, and it was Father's Day. I wasn't sad. I was so pleased w/everything the day before, my mom being there w/me, that we took a family friend out to brunch for Father's Day. My mom also cooked dinner that nite for C-Murder, LadyJ, and me. It was after all, a good Father's Day!
As we were getting out of the car, I look up & there is C-Murder & Ginger - what, they pulled a surprise dinner over on me too!!! We go inside, and in walks CHBizzle & BDizzle - holy crap.....we get to the table & I find out LadyJ is on her way, but she was lost....how, I don't know - alcohol I would assume. We sit down & begin ordering drinks. Things were chill at first, from what I can remember, but then the waitress started to get snappy, which I wasn't down with. It's my bday dinner bitch, don't fuck w/me. I look up from the menu and almost fall out of my chair - STEPH & MATT. She is one of my old co-workers & good friends & Matt is her kick-ass husband. I hadn't seen them in forever, though we had tried to plan a lot of stuff, it just didn't seem to work out. I was so happy to have them & everyone else there!!!!
As the waitress continued to reach across a table of 10 of us to grab empty glasses, she put her hands around the rim of the new glasses - this did NOT please my mama by any means. My mom is REALLY BIG on manners & service etc etc - she was raised very well, as was I, but don't seem to listen as much as she did :) At one point, the waitress couldn't reach my glass (well bitch, walk around to the glass & maybe you could!) & she looked at me, waving her hand, saying "glass, glass - can you give me the glass?" BITCH WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO - THIS IS ME. GET THE FUCKING GLASS YOURSELF. I'm pretty sure I said something along those lines as well.
Anyway, when our food came, that's when the shit show began. First, B-Rock ordered quesadillas - one of them had fallen off of the plate, onto the tray. Most normal servers would say"I'm sorry, let me get you a new plate." Not this crazy bitch - she looked a B-Rock, dead serious, & said "Oh I don't want to put my hands on your food - can you pick that one up that fell off the tray?" Ummmm wtf! I'm pretty sure you touching it w/your hands would be less dirty than picking it up off of that nasty ass tray. But was does drunk B-Rock do - "I don't give a shit, I'll eat it!" And faces the whole thing in one bite. I thought my mom wasn't ever going to be able to pick her jaw up off tha floor! It wasn't pretty so far.
At this point, we were all getting drunker, and louder, except CHBizzle & BDizzle. You could tell they were dis-pleased w/the way the dinner was going, but we were def having a good time.
So, basically, B-Rock & I have this mutual understanding - whatever I don't finish on my plate, B-Rock finishes for me, after his food is done (which is usually before I've eaten 1/4 of my plate lol). Well, I suppose drunk B-Rock thought it would be a GREAT idea to start eating off my plate WITH THIS FINGERS. Straight scooped mashed potatoes off my plate w/his fingers, and just ate them. Picked my green beans up w/his fingers. Every time he did this I would loudly yell "Get your fucking fingers out of my food!" It wasn't getting the point across....I thought my mom was going to fall out of her chair by this point. She was a bit tipsy as well, and leaned over & whispered to me "T-Boz, if he puts his fingers in your food one more TIME, I am going to STAB HIM w/my fork!" She was pissed lol. So I leaned over to B-Rock & said "If you put your fucking fingers in my food ONE more time, my mom is going to STAB YOU w/her fork - so stop!"
After this, we convinced him to use a fork - something the other 9 of us had been doing :) Some other loud, rude jokes went on, it took a good 30min for the new server (we requested her after the other bitch completely lost her mind) to split up our tab & we just got drunker lol. We finally paid tabs, and everyone came to the house, except, CHBizzle & BDizzle who went home, as well as Ginger.
We got beer & the rest of us went back to the house. My mom hung out for a while, and after about 30min, B-Rock was passed out in the chair - wasted. My mom eventually went upstairs, and the fun began!
Matt noticed the hot pink nail polish on the table - light bulb! Don't pass out first w/a bunch of drunk people around B-Rock. We did the only logical thing - painted the boys toes pink. He did not move to slightly wake up. C-Murder took a video & at one of the madness going down, and I was squeezing B-Rock's foot SO hard while painting his left foot, his toes were BRIGHT white in the video - no circulation. We got a good laugh watching the video. After we painted his toes, we took a nice black sharpee & went to town on his feet. We drew spirals & swirls, flowers, hearts, drew my NKOTBSB tatttoo on the side of his foot (New Kids on the Block & Backstreet Boys lmao) & some other crazy random shit, including my autograph! I didn't want to wait for him to wake up for work at 6am Sunday, b/c I wouldn't have seen his response. So I decided to wake him up - hell he had at least a 1 or 2 hour drunk nap. LadyJ wasn't thrilled w/the idea of waking him up, b/c she thought he would be pissed. I know B-Rock - he doesn't get pissed at shit like this!
So I awoke him, and said something along the lines of "your toes are pretty." He just looked down, saw his feet, and started busting out laughing!!! (Told you he wouldn't get pissed!) He thought it was hilarious & agreed b/c he had fallen asleep, that's what happens! He was such a sport, he even let me keep drawing w/the sharpee once he was awake! B-Rock mentioned he would be going to work like that (he's a vet-tech so I think he only had to walk animals, give shots etc - not actually see people!) so he went to work, in sandals, with pink toe nails & almost black feet :) That pleased me lol.
As the night began to wind down (it had to be at least 3am at this point) people were leaving & I was pretty much giving B-Rock a lap dance (w/our clothes on you perv) in front of my friends. Shit, I was wasted, horny & ready for sex!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
It's sober time!
Seriously, too many birthdays, too many celebrations... It's funny, even though we're not in school, summer has a tendency to bring out the crazy. What is it about the summer that makes people feel like they should be a little crazier than usual? I'm sure we're not the only ones.
So, at 6:30 this morning I decided sober time starts now. At least until this weekend. We are going to clean, read, cook, garden... We're going to be wholesome for a couple days. Well at least that's the plan.
In case that was a dissappointment and you would rather another crazy story, how's this: Yesterday was T's actual birthday. By 7:30pm there were four of us helping her walk, sheltering her puking efforts, and stuffing her into B's car. Damn shots! This girl is not accustomed to being force-fed shots. It was not a pretty sight. BUT, since she got to bed by 8:00pm she had NO problem getting to work ontime. So I guess that's a bonus?
We, however, chose to continue celebrating her birthday. And I can't tell you much about that... because... I just can't... But I know we went to the Fastest Bartender Competition. And I know we all walked home. I'm pretty sure I was holding someone's hand to make sure I could walk straight. So.... if anyone has anymore details on last night that would be awesome.
So, at 6:30 this morning I decided sober time starts now. At least until this weekend. We are going to clean, read, cook, garden... We're going to be wholesome for a couple days. Well at least that's the plan.
In case that was a dissappointment and you would rather another crazy story, how's this: Yesterday was T's actual birthday. By 7:30pm there were four of us helping her walk, sheltering her puking efforts, and stuffing her into B's car. Damn shots! This girl is not accustomed to being force-fed shots. It was not a pretty sight. BUT, since she got to bed by 8:00pm she had NO problem getting to work ontime. So I guess that's a bonus?
We, however, chose to continue celebrating her birthday. And I can't tell you much about that... because... I just can't... But I know we went to the Fastest Bartender Competition. And I know we all walked home. I'm pretty sure I was holding someone's hand to make sure I could walk straight. So.... if anyone has anymore details on last night that would be awesome.
Friday, June 24, 2011
What I thought would be a terrible Father's Day Weekend.....
Some quick past history: My dad passed away suddenly 6 months before I turned 21. It devestated me. I don't think I will ever get over it. Therefore, Father's Day Weekend, which falls 2 weeks after my daddy's bday every year, is one of my least favorite weekends. This Father's Day weekend I had two plans: Saturday - go to the Nat's game w/B-Rock on a bus from Hard Times & get shitty wasted, & Sunday (Father's Day): work for a few hours, do laundry, and cry myself into a drunken mess for one day, while still reminscing on all of the fond memories of my dad. That's not exactly how my weekend went at all....
Friday night, I thought it would be logical for B-Rock to spend the night so we could be at the bar by 10:30am for this bus to the Nats game, but that's not quite how it went down. B-Rock got wasted w/his neighborhood homies, and I hit Firehouse, Hard Times, my house, smoked, and then thought it would be a great idea to go out to Icons (this local wanna be DC club) w/my ex & 2 of his friends. I blacked out....my ex reminded me just a few days ago of some of a couple of the events that went down that nite: I took a picutre in front of Icons when we left, on my knees, in front of his boy w/my mouth to his...well, you know, his urrreaaa! (HE HAD HIS CLOTHES ON YOU PERV, but still - sometimes, that's just how it goes down lol!) Not a good look, but ya know, alcohol makes shit happen!
The next thing I know, my roomate, C-Murder (TOTALLY not her name, but we don't have a good nick name yet, and that makes me laugh for some reason - get em girl!) is calling my name while talking on the phone to someone - it's my girl CHBizzle. It's 11am. I am not on the bus to the game that left at 10:30. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. My computer is on the floor and my USB charger is on the floor, but my computer charger is no where to be found. Well, my computer doesn't turn on unless it's charging, so I wonder how my drunk ass thought I was going to charge my phone...not that it was plugged in or anything! On a bright note, I somehow took out my contacts :) That's always a bonus!
I immediately look at C-Murder & freakout - I think Father's Day jitters set in. I started crying like a little bitch. I go downstairs, plug in my phone, and call B-Rock. I don't remember what he said, but for whatever reason, it pissed me off & I hung up. Then I called Hard Times. Bus has left, but they gave me the managers cell# & I spoke to him - he said hit him up when we got there, he would meet us & give us our tickets - score! I called CHBizzle and she was an Angel & saved the day. "I'm going to my sister's in Arlington, I can totally drive you to the game!" With a dumbfounded look on my face, I look into the phone "Are you kidding me....Nats Stadium is so much further than Arlington...are you sure that's okay?" CHBizzle, being the sweetheart she is, took us there, so we could ride the bus home, drink & have a great time. You rock CHBizzle!!!!
So B-Rock & I finally make it into DC, meet up w/the Manager from the Hard Times, get our tickets & our free beer coupon :) This pleases me. We get in the Stadium, and I go straight for the beer stand. Get my aluminum Miller & we go up to the 200 sections to sit. We sit a whole 3minutes before B-Rock is ready to get up & walk around. We spent the remainder of the game chillin at the top of the 100s section at the "patio" area, getting new beers, me smoking cigs, and just walking around & cheering on our 8 in a row winning Nats - hollar!!! We find out the bus rolls out 20minutes after the game ends. So after the game, we walk to the buses looking for Hard Times. I think we found every bus, but Hard Times at first. It was ridiculous...and it was starting to get warm out - even for my ass who likes it's 95 degrees w/100% humidity! Anyway, there was some mixup w/the bus and we had to wait about 45minutes b/c it was coming from Manassas b/c they double booked. So B-Rock & I do the only sensible thing....lay out in the middle of the sidewalk, listening to music on his phone & gettin a tan man! I had my wife beater rolled up, my short shorts just chillin & callin it a day! This Father's Day weekend was turning out to be okay so far!
Finally - the bus arrived! It was a semi tipsy trip back to Hard Times. I had to pee at one point, and damn that is a bumpy bus to be using those "on the go, in tha bus" port-a-potty things. So we finally make it home & get off the bus, determined to get a beer at Hard Times.
As soon as we get to the bar, B-Rock heads for the bathroom. I'm just standing at the bar, waiting to order a beer, when I hear my name "Trish!" I turn around and there is CHBizzle w/some older woman & I am confused....CHBizzle doesn't drink - why is she at the bar at 5pm & who the hell is this woman...OMG she turns around & my jaw hits the floor as I semi yelp "MOM!" and tears just start pouring down my face. HOLY SHIT my mom is standing in front of me. I spoke to her last night & she was at home - in Florida. I couldn't even speak - for the first time in my life, I was speechless. I just walked up & gave her a huge hug.
B-Rock came out of the bathroom, we all ordered beers & listened to the story of how my mom got to VA & what the hell was going on!!! CHBizzle & my Mom had been planning this for a month. Everyone knew - my roommates, friends, neighbor friends...it was insanity & I can't believe they pulled one over on me. The entire weekend was one surprise, after another, after another. I was thrilled, in shock & so thankful to have the best friends & family! As we paid our tabs, we discussed dinner. CHBizzle was going home to her man BDizzle, and my Mama, B-Rock & I were going out to dinner....I thought this would be interesting - boy was in for a surprise nite!
Friday night, I thought it would be logical for B-Rock to spend the night so we could be at the bar by 10:30am for this bus to the Nats game, but that's not quite how it went down. B-Rock got wasted w/his neighborhood homies, and I hit Firehouse, Hard Times, my house, smoked, and then thought it would be a great idea to go out to Icons (this local wanna be DC club) w/my ex & 2 of his friends. I blacked out....my ex reminded me just a few days ago of some of a couple of the events that went down that nite: I took a picutre in front of Icons when we left, on my knees, in front of his boy w/my mouth to his...well, you know, his urrreaaa! (HE HAD HIS CLOTHES ON YOU PERV, but still - sometimes, that's just how it goes down lol!) Not a good look, but ya know, alcohol makes shit happen!
The next thing I know, my roomate, C-Murder (TOTALLY not her name, but we don't have a good nick name yet, and that makes me laugh for some reason - get em girl!) is calling my name while talking on the phone to someone - it's my girl CHBizzle. It's 11am. I am not on the bus to the game that left at 10:30. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. My computer is on the floor and my USB charger is on the floor, but my computer charger is no where to be found. Well, my computer doesn't turn on unless it's charging, so I wonder how my drunk ass thought I was going to charge my phone...not that it was plugged in or anything! On a bright note, I somehow took out my contacts :) That's always a bonus!
I immediately look at C-Murder & freakout - I think Father's Day jitters set in. I started crying like a little bitch. I go downstairs, plug in my phone, and call B-Rock. I don't remember what he said, but for whatever reason, it pissed me off & I hung up. Then I called Hard Times. Bus has left, but they gave me the managers cell# & I spoke to him - he said hit him up when we got there, he would meet us & give us our tickets - score! I called CHBizzle and she was an Angel & saved the day. "I'm going to my sister's in Arlington, I can totally drive you to the game!" With a dumbfounded look on my face, I look into the phone "Are you kidding me....Nats Stadium is so much further than Arlington...are you sure that's okay?" CHBizzle, being the sweetheart she is, took us there, so we could ride the bus home, drink & have a great time. You rock CHBizzle!!!!
So B-Rock & I finally make it into DC, meet up w/the Manager from the Hard Times, get our tickets & our free beer coupon :) This pleases me. We get in the Stadium, and I go straight for the beer stand. Get my aluminum Miller & we go up to the 200 sections to sit. We sit a whole 3minutes before B-Rock is ready to get up & walk around. We spent the remainder of the game chillin at the top of the 100s section at the "patio" area, getting new beers, me smoking cigs, and just walking around & cheering on our 8 in a row winning Nats - hollar!!! We find out the bus rolls out 20minutes after the game ends. So after the game, we walk to the buses looking for Hard Times. I think we found every bus, but Hard Times at first. It was ridiculous...and it was starting to get warm out - even for my ass who likes it's 95 degrees w/100% humidity! Anyway, there was some mixup w/the bus and we had to wait about 45minutes b/c it was coming from Manassas b/c they double booked. So B-Rock & I do the only sensible thing....lay out in the middle of the sidewalk, listening to music on his phone & gettin a tan man! I had my wife beater rolled up, my short shorts just chillin & callin it a day! This Father's Day weekend was turning out to be okay so far!
Finally - the bus arrived! It was a semi tipsy trip back to Hard Times. I had to pee at one point, and damn that is a bumpy bus to be using those "on the go, in tha bus" port-a-potty things. So we finally make it home & get off the bus, determined to get a beer at Hard Times.
As soon as we get to the bar, B-Rock heads for the bathroom. I'm just standing at the bar, waiting to order a beer, when I hear my name "Trish!" I turn around and there is CHBizzle w/some older woman & I am confused....CHBizzle doesn't drink - why is she at the bar at 5pm & who the hell is this woman...OMG she turns around & my jaw hits the floor as I semi yelp "MOM!" and tears just start pouring down my face. HOLY SHIT my mom is standing in front of me. I spoke to her last night & she was at home - in Florida. I couldn't even speak - for the first time in my life, I was speechless. I just walked up & gave her a huge hug.
B-Rock came out of the bathroom, we all ordered beers & listened to the story of how my mom got to VA & what the hell was going on!!! CHBizzle & my Mom had been planning this for a month. Everyone knew - my roommates, friends, neighbor friends...it was insanity & I can't believe they pulled one over on me. The entire weekend was one surprise, after another, after another. I was thrilled, in shock & so thankful to have the best friends & family! As we paid our tabs, we discussed dinner. CHBizzle was going home to her man BDizzle, and my Mama, B-Rock & I were going out to dinner....I thought this would be interesting - boy was in for a surprise nite!
Too many Dave's....
So I was feeling a little ambitious. See an attractive guy, go out on a limb, give him my number. He calls right after I get home. All he says is, "This is Dave". So I ask, "Dave who?". He gives his last name but I'm still stumped. He finally says, "You gave me your number tonight at the bar?". "Oh! Of course, right... Sorry, I have so many Daves in my phone I just didn't put it together... and after all, I wrote my name down for you, I don't have your name written down anywhere."
I still felt bad, so I texted him after that conversation, just saying sorry for being so slow on the uptake, I was pretty tired... but I DO know who you are now! That turned into this:
Dave: Thought you were a nice gal and wanted to bring you back to my place
Me: Nah I'm at home, you can't bring me home now... I AM a nice girl. :-)
Dave: Yeah a gal I'm dtf
Me: Haha Damn Sir! Glad to hear it. Flattered. But I'm headed to bed. Maybe you'll catch me another day.
Dave: Well ok, would you have been dtf tonight?
Me: I was just having a good time with my girls....
Dave: Mhmm sure it's whatever
Me: Ok, what does that mean?
Dave: Lol kiddin this isn't my phone it's my friends and sayin u prob can't handle me lol
Me: What? Really....
Dave: I mean yea and yea my phone got effer so gettin a new one by u think u could me inside u?
Me: .....I'm going to sleep... Work in the morning.... and nothing in this conversation has been anywhere near a turn on.
Dave: What turns you on?
Me: Goodnight Dave.
Dave: Well ight night I'm messin with ya im down to put it in ya
Me: As exciting and enticing that sounds...
Dave: Maybe sometime
Me:
The end.
I thought he was a nice quiet nerdy type. Apparently my judgement was impaired.
In other news, we went to see the Wizard of Oz in one of our City parks last night... It was a ton of fun. =) I put my hair in pigtails for the occasion (channeling Dorothy) and this is how pigtails look in the morning when you sleep with them in.
I still felt bad, so I texted him after that conversation, just saying sorry for being so slow on the uptake, I was pretty tired... but I DO know who you are now! That turned into this:
Dave: Thought you were a nice gal and wanted to bring you back to my place
Me: Nah I'm at home, you can't bring me home now... I AM a nice girl. :-)
Dave: Yeah a gal I'm dtf
Me: Haha Damn Sir! Glad to hear it. Flattered. But I'm headed to bed. Maybe you'll catch me another day.
Dave: Well ok, would you have been dtf tonight?
Me: I was just having a good time with my girls....
Dave: Mhmm sure it's whatever
Me: Ok, what does that mean?
Dave: Lol kiddin this isn't my phone it's my friends and sayin u prob can't handle me lol
Me: What? Really....
Dave: I mean yea and yea my phone got effer so gettin a new one by u think u could me inside u?
Me: .....I'm going to sleep... Work in the morning.... and nothing in this conversation has been anywhere near a turn on.
Dave: What turns you on?
Me: Goodnight Dave.
Dave: Well ight night I'm messin with ya im down to put it in ya
Me: As exciting and enticing that sounds...
Dave: Maybe sometime
Me:
The end.
I thought he was a nice quiet nerdy type. Apparently my judgement was impaired.
In other news, we went to see the Wizard of Oz in one of our City parks last night... It was a ton of fun. =) I put my hair in pigtails for the occasion (channeling Dorothy) and this is how pigtails look in the morning when you sleep with them in.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Did you piss the bed.....or did I piss the bed?!?!
The first week B-Rock & I ever played Geeks Who Drink Trivia, we dressed up like geeks....we looked hilarious. We found it funny....I don't think the geeks did. But we're not geeks, we just make fun of them. This night turned into a LOT of drinking.
Now a few years back, I used to sleep walk when I got blackout drunk. But it hadn't happened in at least 2 years so whatever....it was a phase, so I thought. I don't know how late we stayed up drinking, but Thursday, I recalculated the events of Wednesday night after I woke up to this nightmare (btw, I recounted how much I drank Wed night....it was roughly 20 beers, maybe a couple more):
Thursday morning, I'm already late for work & hungover as all hell. First thing I notice is a towel on the bed underneath me & my heart stops. The bed is wet.....holy shit, I start freaking out that I peed in the bed - B had only slept over like 3 or 4 times, so needless to say, I spent the next two days FREAKING OUT.
After asking advice of a couple close people at work, and to the majority of my close friends, I accepted at some point, I was going to have to talk to B-Rock about it, otherwise, he would think this happened all of the time. Now, I did re
So Friday night, we had game night at the house (that's a whole different story!). B-Rock & I met up at Hard Times for happy hour to pre-game for game night, what a great idea! I figured if I got a few beers in me, it would be easier to discuss "pissing in the bed." Well, it didn't. I ignored the subject b/c everything was going smoothly.
We got back to the house, played lots of games, laughed our asses off & drank a shit ton more than necessary. B-Rock had to work at 7am on Saturday, so he went home that night. He left around 2:30am & I figured I was now drunk enough to have the balls to ask him about my peeing in the bed. So I called him & the coversation went something like this:
T-Boz: Hey....had fun, are you sure you're okay to drive though?
B-Rock: Yeah, I'm good, I will call you when I'm home though.
T-Boz: Okay sounds good, sooooo....okay have a good nite.
And I hung up. I felt like a jackass....so I called back & this is how it went the 2nd time around:
T: Hey, sorry to call you again, but ummmm I have something awkward I need to ask you.
B: Okay, what's up?
T: I guess there's no easy way to ask, so I'ma just ask.....Wed nite - did you piss in the bed, or did I piss in the bed??
B: (pause of silence)....what?? What are you talking about?
T: Well, when I woke up yesterday morning, there was a towel under me & the bed was soaking
B: (laughing): No one pissed the bed T, there was a lot of cum!
T: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I've been stressing out for 2 days over cum??!!
B: (still laughing): But even if you did piss, I wouldn't care.
The conversation continued for another minute or so, but when I hung up the phone, I laughed my ass off to the roomies....CUM really - CUM. I'm 99% sure it was piss, and I probably did pee, but even if I did, he wouldn't care so hollar back!
Now a few years back, I used to sleep walk when I got blackout drunk. But it hadn't happened in at least 2 years so whatever....it was a phase, so I thought. I don't know how late we stayed up drinking, but Thursday, I recalculated the events of Wednesday night after I woke up to this nightmare (btw, I recounted how much I drank Wed night....it was roughly 20 beers, maybe a couple more):
Thursday morning, I'm already late for work & hungover as all hell. First thing I notice is a towel on the bed underneath me & my heart stops. The bed is wet.....holy shit, I start freaking out that I peed in the bed - B had only slept over like 3 or 4 times, so needless to say, I spent the next two days FREAKING OUT.
After asking advice of a couple close people at work, and to the majority of my close friends, I accepted at some point, I was going to have to talk to B-Rock about it, otherwise, he would think this happened all of the time. Now, I did re
So Friday night, we had game night at the house (that's a whole different story!). B-Rock & I met up at Hard Times for happy hour to pre-game for game night, what a great idea! I figured if I got a few beers in me, it would be easier to discuss "pissing in the bed." Well, it didn't. I ignored the subject b/c everything was going smoothly.
We got back to the house, played lots of games, laughed our asses off & drank a shit ton more than necessary. B-Rock had to work at 7am on Saturday, so he went home that night. He left around 2:30am & I figured I was now drunk enough to have the balls to ask him about my peeing in the bed. So I called him & the coversation went something like this:
T-Boz: Hey....had fun, are you sure you're okay to drive though?
B-Rock: Yeah, I'm good, I will call you when I'm home though.
T-Boz: Okay sounds good, sooooo....okay have a good nite.
And I hung up. I felt like a jackass....so I called back & this is how it went the 2nd time around:
T: Hey, sorry to call you again, but ummmm I have something awkward I need to ask you.
B: Okay, what's up?
T: I guess there's no easy way to ask, so I'ma just ask.....Wed nite - did you piss in the bed, or did I piss in the bed??
B: (pause of silence)....what?? What are you talking about?
T: Well, when I woke up yesterday morning, there was a towel under me & the bed was soaking
B: (laughing): No one pissed the bed T, there was a lot of cum!
T: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I've been stressing out for 2 days over cum??!!
B: (still laughing): But even if you did piss, I wouldn't care.
The conversation continued for another minute or so, but when I hung up the phone, I laughed my ass off to the roomies....CUM really - CUM. I'm 99% sure it was piss, and I probably did pee, but even if I did, he wouldn't care so hollar back!
Geeks Who Drink Trivia night
Each week, B & I pre-game at my crazy house and make dinner....we somehow think crushin a 6 pack before random ass trivia, makes us smarter...if we ever win, I will begin to believe that shit! Last nite was no different, except my mom was in town for my bday surprise visit. She had dinner w/us, but didn't pre-game. I'm pretty sure B & I drank enough for at least 5 people anyway!
Trivia was the same as usual - we lost badly. But we had at least 5 pitchers, and then switched to 22oz Miller's once we started Shuffle Board. Man did B & I whoop C & M's ass the first round. They came back round two, but you know we held it down for C2H5OH - we can win something!! So for this week, we're the shuffle board champs.
The walk home was interesting....apparently I am NOT good at getting piggy back rides. B continuously told me I needed to wrap my arms around his neck and choke him - like choke him lol. I for some reason, thought grabbing his shoulders was sufficient enough - I was 1.2 seconds away from falling off his back onto my back - it was not a good look, so I just walked...well, I stumbled a little bit.
So when we got home, first thing's first - cold beers! After that, much of the night is a blur. I recall L & C coming home at some point, and I know L stayed w/us in the living room. B passed out on the oversized chair w/me sprawled across him. That's the advantage of him passing out - I can lay across him if I wanted & he doesn't have a clue....I mean hell, we painted his toes Saturday night hot pink - that's another story though :) When the time finally came where I agreed w/myself I was too drunk for another beer, it was time to pass out. L & I spent a good 10 minutes trying to pull B off of the chair so he could lay on the couch. We were pulling, tugging, pushing - he would just partially open his eyes, smile & chuckle, then pass back out. It was amusing. Finally we resorted to L & I picking up a 210 pound, 6 foot tall man by his underarms, and pretty much dragging him to the couch. I laid down too, L tucked us in w/my leopard print blanket & from what L has told me, I mumbled something about being pissed I didn't get laid. DAMN ALCOHOL.
I woke this morning to L shaking me as I freaked out to what time it was. I looked around & didn't recognize where I was as the living room.....shit that's b/c it wasn't. I was in L's bed w/her, not on the couch w/B.....L, B & I have no idea how or when that happened. Damn I get around in my house, I really get around :)
See... what had happened was....
I rolled over this morning and found my roommate, T, in my bed. At first this did not strike me as strange, and I simply woke her up and said she had to get up because her mum would be confused. When I made my way upstairs and greeted her mother she asked how I was, and I replied that I was confused. She asked if that might have anything to do with the fact that her daughter had slept in my bed. And I said, yes, yes, that might be it.
So what happened last night? This is what I know. There was trivia, which I didn’t show up to until a little after 9pm. It was crowded, so, as I often do, I started by finding the one well-lit section of the bar, sat down, and read my book for a while until I was prepared to face the crowd again. I’d like the record to show that I actually got one question right for the team. One. And the answer was dulcimer. Of all things to know. After trivia, the shuffleboard commenced. It was a fierce battle that I only watched from the sidelines. It’s easier to steal M’s French fries from the sidelines. At some point, beer pong was discussed, and it was deemed a brilliant idea. C went to gather the supplies, and we all reconvened at the house. Apparently there were commitment issues regarding beer pong. Epic beer pong night turned into C and I playing water pong, drinking if we felt like it. I was quite proud of my performance. Thank you, Johns Hopkins basketball team; you trained me well back in 2003. After water pong, it was time to consider sleep. B had fallen asleep in the chair, so T and I were thoughtful enough to physically transition him to the couch. We also decided that he was too warm, and tried to assist him in taking off his shirt. This effort proved to be futile. After tucking B & T in on the couch, I retired to my own room.
…………
I rolled over this morning and found my roommate, T, in my bed.
There is no way of knowing how this happened. There are worse places she could have sleep-walked to though. So it’s all gravy.
NOTE: This was actually posted by LadyJ, not Trish-a-licious. I don't know how to fix that.
NOTE: This was actually posted by LadyJ, not Trish-a-licious. I don't know how to fix that.
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