So my actually birthday fell on a Monday this year - worst day ever to party! So I worked a 1/2 day from home, and took off the other half. That way I could still sleep in & recover from Sunday, but be off early enough to start drinking by 3. I had to call into a meeting at work from 2-3, so I cracked my first Miller at 2. By 4, I had 5 or 6 at home. I took a shower & was ready to head to Firehouse to meet BRock, LadyJ, Ginger & whoever else was going to be there buying me drinks!
As soon as we got there, the shots began. I started easy w/a buttery nipple - they are my fave, and it was my fucking birthday, don't judge! A guy, Brad, we know was up there too w/his boy. We took a shot - it had Jameson in it. I can drink 20 beers, no problem. I NEVER drink liquor & am not good at handling it. JAMESON - wtf was he thinking. Shit was nasty. Then he bought another shot not even 10min later w/Wild Turkey or some shit - wtf was he thinking. I remember Ginger buying me some blue shot - I have no idea wtf it was.
I remember going outside to smoke a cigarette, about 7:15ish & Kevin & Travis drove by - they were on their way to setup for the fastest bartending contest at Icons. They screamed Happy Birthday & I then remember them being at Firehouse a short time after. That's about all I remember until I remember puking my brains out at home - right about 8:15pm - I didn't last long.
Once BRock came over a couple days later for trivia, he filled me in on some of the foggy details. Once Travis got there, he bought me a shot as well. Someone else bought me a shot - I had about 8 shots apparently. I remember taking about 4 - this was all in a 2 hour period. No wonder I was shit faced - don't forget, I had a 6 pack before I got there, and I had at least another 5 or 6 beers at the bar on top of these shots! So I thought it would be a great idea to go w/someone at the bar to their car & get high - WTF WHAT I THINKING! I don't remember much after that. I don't even remember going out to the car to smoke - that should have been a sign I didn't need to smoke. After that, BRock said I was done for. I made it about another 10 min - BRock has a picture of me passed on AT THE BAR by 7:45pm - I can't find it right now, sorry!
He also has some great pics of me outside of the bar, next to his car, puking my brains out - all you see is a trail of liquid - there was zero food in my system. Makes even more sense now haha. So after about 10min of puking & dry heaving, he convinced me to get in his car & that I could make it home. I remember laying on the couch asking for the trash can. BRock has informed me before laying on the couch, I went in the bathroom to puke some more, but after 5min, he came in & I was halfway passed out, curled up on the bathroom floor. He pretty much dragged me into the living room & threw me on the couch. At that point I asked for a dry papertowel to put on my forehead - yes, b/c dry papertowels totally help when you're wasted. The last thing I remember is the room spinning, one leg on the couch, the other on the floor & I was passed out by 8:30pm - shitfaced. The bright side of passing out early on your bday - no hangover the next day!
I wish I had made it longer - that's the biggest bday fail on my part to date, but I partied my ass off the entire Thurs-Mon & it was another great year. I didn't get laid on my bday - I couldn't function, but I got laid 2 nites later - postponed bday sex works for me!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the Kitchen after meeting new, awesome people!
So one Friday night, maybe back in February 2011 or so, my ex, Shooz, was working. So I went to Firehouse, our local bar (it's pretty much like Cheers - everybody knows your name - and your drink is awaiting your arrival once you walk in!) But anyway, I met up w/LadyJ & we met some random Mason kids we had never seen there before. Some weird white dude, & Youssef, this cool Egyptian kid. We all ended up getting TWISTED. We closed the bar, and as we left, I invited them both back to my house b/c Shooz & I were going to smoke, he had just gotten off work. Well, when I told Shooz...he was pissed. Apparently meeting new guys is not possible w/out wanting to fuck them, or them wanting to fuck me - wtfever. So, when the guys pulled up, I went outside to meet them, and Shooz went upstairs.
They ended up parking a few houses down from my house, so I walked down that way. There were a few people sitting outside chillin & drinking. I had seen them before, but there aren't many young people in our neighborhood, so I had never said anything. Well, thank goodness I was nice & shitfaced. I had my bowl in my hand, ready to go. I walked up to them & bluntly asked "you guys smoke weed?" And that was the night I met the neighbor's. Four of the most kickass, chill, fun people I have met. We instantly bonded!
I don't remember everything that happened that night, b/c we were TRASHED. Smoking, drinking too much. I stayed over there until about 6am when Shooz came & got me. I have already had some great memories w/the neighbor's & can't wait for many more!
I'm sure you're wondering why this post story is called "Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the Kitchen" when there hasn't been a word about Kung Fu Ninja Kicks. Well, the next day, Saturday, I went over to the neighbor's about 6pm...to smoke. I was already tipsy b/c I had been out w/CBizzle all day drinking :) Shocker! Anyway, when I walked in the neighbor's house, there she was, AwesomeasticA, on the chair w/her leg up on the footrest, in a brace. WTF happened?!?!?! Apparently, I missed the fun once I left. AwesomeasticA was doing Kung Fu Ninja Kicks at 6am in the kitchen, which she had done millions of times before, but this time, she landed on her foot wrong - AND BROKE HER FOOT!!! She broke her foot doing Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the fucking kitchen - to this day, the best story I've heard of someone breaking their foot. I knew immediately she & I would be awesome friends :)
They ended up parking a few houses down from my house, so I walked down that way. There were a few people sitting outside chillin & drinking. I had seen them before, but there aren't many young people in our neighborhood, so I had never said anything. Well, thank goodness I was nice & shitfaced. I had my bowl in my hand, ready to go. I walked up to them & bluntly asked "you guys smoke weed?" And that was the night I met the neighbor's. Four of the most kickass, chill, fun people I have met. We instantly bonded!
I don't remember everything that happened that night, b/c we were TRASHED. Smoking, drinking too much. I stayed over there until about 6am when Shooz came & got me. I have already had some great memories w/the neighbor's & can't wait for many more!
I'm sure you're wondering why this post story is called "Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the Kitchen" when there hasn't been a word about Kung Fu Ninja Kicks. Well, the next day, Saturday, I went over to the neighbor's about 6pm...to smoke. I was already tipsy b/c I had been out w/CBizzle all day drinking :) Shocker! Anyway, when I walked in the neighbor's house, there she was, AwesomeasticA, on the chair w/her leg up on the footrest, in a brace. WTF happened?!?!?! Apparently, I missed the fun once I left. AwesomeasticA was doing Kung Fu Ninja Kicks at 6am in the kitchen, which she had done millions of times before, but this time, she landed on her foot wrong - AND BROKE HER FOOT!!! She broke her foot doing Kung Fu Ninja Kicks in the fucking kitchen - to this day, the best story I've heard of someone breaking their foot. I knew immediately she & I would be awesome friends :)
Friday, July 8, 2011
Onto Embarcaderco & SF BITCHES!
So we get on the train.....and I have no clue how long the ride was. Maybe 15-20min?? So by the time we got into downtown SF, it was almost midnite - that was 3am in my body time. I was exhausted. I didn't want to take the Muni to the L or whatever the hell I was supposed to do. So I told dude I wanted to cab it. He flagged down a cab & got in w/me....ummmm how was I going to get rid of this guy in a city I knew NOTHING about?? I told him I was in desperate need of beer. We stopped at some bodegas type place - had to have at least 30 different kinds of rolling papers, tons of glass & lots of other shit. $20 for an 18 pack of Bud Light - I was going to be poor in no time at this rate! So luckily after I got this beer, dude told me he would have to go his own way (thank goddd!)
I got back in the cab, gave him the address & I'm pretty sure dude took every street possible to get to DJ-JSlice's house & proceeded to tell me he didn't take credit cards - it's fucking SF what do you mean you don't take credit cards??!! So we drove around the corner to a bank, I got home, paid dude & went upstairs.
I was officially in SF, in my boy's house w/not a damn thing to do. I sat around for about 45min crushing a few beers, smoking a bowl. I couldn't figure out the tv at all, so I didn't fuck w/it. Then I heard a knock on the front door - that's when I met, Wren, her man & Mark. I went upstairs to their apartment, where we drank beer & wine until 5am, Mark & I blew some REALLY good white stuff (that happened until about 10am Sunday morning!) & we all just chilled, listening to music, telling stories & going thru all these kids books - Wren was doing some kind of fundraiser for a charity & people had donated TONS of kids books. Some were hilarious, some inappropriate, but we went thru them all!
By Sun morning at 10am, we had crushed the 18 beers & a bottle of wine. It was time to pass out. I woke up about 5 hours later & got ready to walk to Safeway & get some beer & snacks. Thank goodness Safeway was only 100 yards away....down a hill big enough to sled on! I scored a 30 pack on sale for $20 - SOLD, what a deal. Carrying that 30 pack back up that hill was a BITCH. I had to stop twice...that hill was no fucking joke at all!
By the time I got back, Mark & his boy were already back & we started drinking, about 4pm Sunday afternoon (it was Labor Day weekend, so Monday was a holiday). So after hours of drinking, we walked to get some pizza around the corner - and I TOOK MY BEER W/ME - thru the streets. No one cared that I was walking w/a beer. The pizza place didn't care I drank the beer in their joint. It was the best city EVER. Mark & I ended up getting some more white goodies, late that nite, and we proceeded another night of the same shit over. It was kick ass - chillin at the neighbor's place, getting wasted & having fun! I have no idea what time I went to sleep that morning - it was like 8 or 9am Monday morning. DJ-JSlice was coming back today & I was sciced!!! I ended up having like 3 hours to kill by myself & I was bored out of my mind. What would I have done if I hadn't met the neighbor's for 2 days!! About 5pm, DJ-JSlice was home.
He told me we needed to run by the mall to pick up his laptop from Apple, then we would go to this park - I want to say Dorothy Park lmao, but I know that's not right. I don't remember, I just remember we took a bottle of wine, 2 glasses, and lots of green. I was SO THRILLED at the idea of a park where there would be TONS of people, drinking & smoking. I was in for even more surprises :)
I got back in the cab, gave him the address & I'm pretty sure dude took every street possible to get to DJ-JSlice's house & proceeded to tell me he didn't take credit cards - it's fucking SF what do you mean you don't take credit cards??!! So we drove around the corner to a bank, I got home, paid dude & went upstairs.
I was officially in SF, in my boy's house w/not a damn thing to do. I sat around for about 45min crushing a few beers, smoking a bowl. I couldn't figure out the tv at all, so I didn't fuck w/it. Then I heard a knock on the front door - that's when I met, Wren, her man & Mark. I went upstairs to their apartment, where we drank beer & wine until 5am, Mark & I blew some REALLY good white stuff (that happened until about 10am Sunday morning!) & we all just chilled, listening to music, telling stories & going thru all these kids books - Wren was doing some kind of fundraiser for a charity & people had donated TONS of kids books. Some were hilarious, some inappropriate, but we went thru them all!
By Sun morning at 10am, we had crushed the 18 beers & a bottle of wine. It was time to pass out. I woke up about 5 hours later & got ready to walk to Safeway & get some beer & snacks. Thank goodness Safeway was only 100 yards away....down a hill big enough to sled on! I scored a 30 pack on sale for $20 - SOLD, what a deal. Carrying that 30 pack back up that hill was a BITCH. I had to stop twice...that hill was no fucking joke at all!
By the time I got back, Mark & his boy were already back & we started drinking, about 4pm Sunday afternoon (it was Labor Day weekend, so Monday was a holiday). So after hours of drinking, we walked to get some pizza around the corner - and I TOOK MY BEER W/ME - thru the streets. No one cared that I was walking w/a beer. The pizza place didn't care I drank the beer in their joint. It was the best city EVER. Mark & I ended up getting some more white goodies, late that nite, and we proceeded another night of the same shit over. It was kick ass - chillin at the neighbor's place, getting wasted & having fun! I have no idea what time I went to sleep that morning - it was like 8 or 9am Monday morning. DJ-JSlice was coming back today & I was sciced!!! I ended up having like 3 hours to kill by myself & I was bored out of my mind. What would I have done if I hadn't met the neighbor's for 2 days!! About 5pm, DJ-JSlice was home.
He told me we needed to run by the mall to pick up his laptop from Apple, then we would go to this park - I want to say Dorothy Park lmao, but I know that's not right. I don't remember, I just remember we took a bottle of wine, 2 glasses, and lots of green. I was SO THRILLED at the idea of a park where there would be TONS of people, drinking & smoking. I was in for even more surprises :)
Friday, July 1, 2011
San Fran - best vacay of my life. Sept 2010
Ok so this will probably be broken into a few blogs. It's a lot to share. And every moment of it was worth doing over at least 100x. Life in San Fran (SF) is thaaaa shiiiittt!
So my boy - umm we'll call him DJ-JSlice....I just left him a voicemail to let me know what he wants to be called, but he didn't answer, so DJ-JSlice is my temp name! Anyway....I met this kid playing free poker at the local bars in Fairfax. I'm pretty sure it was the first nite I had ever met him - at the lower level bar of the Best Western, which is still the skaniest, piece of shit hotel in Fairfax City - playing poker. I was outside, on the phone, smoking a cigarette. Once I got off (the phone fuckface), he came up to me & we talked for a little bit. I mean, at first, for a white dude (I'm not really into white dudes, except Tucker Max - he's my new idol!) he was good looking. He seemed beyond chill as shit & whatever. There was a lot in between the moment we met to our friendship now, but I will say, we never hooked up, and I think that's why DJ-JSlice actually has respect for me, and I have respect for him. It doesn't happen often :)
Anyway, the day or two before flying to SF, DJ-JSlice called me. He had all these detailed instructions for me to follow...ummm shit, I was walking into a concert w/my ex, Shooz. I had nothing to write on & my memory can't remember shit. He was leaving for Burning Man. If you don't know what that is, I will sum it up, but Google tha shit - you won't believe your eyes. It's this amazing festival. It's sort of like a West Coast Bonnaroo (God C-Murder, I hope I spelled that right - she works at Bonnaroo every year!!!) It's in the middle of a dessert (desert - whichever) in NV (that's Nevada dumbass). There is nothing around. No internet. No phone service. No nothing. Just a few hundred thousand people, fucked up for a week, doing whatever it is they do at Burning Man (when I go, I will have 100 thousand blogs about it!!!) So to put it out there mildly, I had no contact w/DJ-JSlice! LUCKILY, wtf are the chances, his upstairs neighbors, who were watching his kickass dog, Norie...were kickass people. There was Wren, who was an artist & from HERNDON, VA & went to Bishop Ireton. And her boyfriend from Jersey, and their hot friend Mark. He caused some trouble in my relationship w/Shooz, but I'm pretty sure to this day, he has no IDEA he caused any problems w/me & Shooz lol. Funny how the world works.WTF ARE THE CHANCES that LadyJ went to school w/her, (Wren) but was a couple years ahead. WTF OMG - IN SF I met this girl - CRAZINESS! Anyway, I called Wren the day of my flight. I was so sciced - more than a kid in a candy store.
My flight landed in Oakland - at about 10:30pm their time. My ex was from LA. All he emphasized was "once you get off the plane, get on the bus to the BART & DON'T do ANYTHING IN OAKLAND," as well as, "DON'T CHEAT ON ME!" Two simple rules - I can handle that! As soon as I got my bags, I got on the bus to the BART. $3 - it was easy to find. Here I am, in a city I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on. I am amazed. I did get cut-off 3 beers, 2 mixed drinks & 1 shot into the flight...2 hours, into the 6 hour flight. I was pissed. I was even wearing my "Texts From Last Night" shirt that I ordered - it clearly read - "(703):"She said, and I quote "I want to black out with my rack out!" THAT SHIRT WAS FUCKING MADE FOR ME - SERIOUSLY. That bitch was my twin sister, I swear, although, I don't know her. (Whoever the bitch was that said that greatness!)
Anyway, I get to the BART station. Now, I love black people more than anyone. In high school, I thought I was black. XXL Tupac/Biggie shirts, cornrows, the only White girl at Homecoming in our group of 15, etc...But besides the shady ass, "Oakland Police Dept" which I have ZERO FAITH IN, I was the only White person. I believe I was also the only person above the age of ummm....about 16. It was unreal. Where the fuck were these kids parents??
By the way, totally off the subject - guess what I found out tonite??!! DJ-JSlice is coming into town July 10-16th for work!!!!! He won't party much b/c he's a lot more responsible than I, but shit, we're going out to dinner one nite & I'm gonna get him out another. Within three months, I will be in SF again. I miss it too much - the best trip of my life, best city of my life. Hollar back bitches, hollar back! Since I won't remember, I will remind myself that the next story is about he Bart ride w/the Russian Mafia, the $22 18 pack, the cab ride home that didn't take credit cards...and shit, meeting Wren, her man, & Mark. OH Shit this is going to be a story ;)
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So the metro card station shit - they're a little different than the Metro in D.C. There, you punch in how much $ you need on your card & you pay. All I knew was I had to take the BART to the Embarcaderco station & take the L Muni to some street...get off, walk & be there. So I couldn't enter how much $ I wanted to add...what the fuck! I finally see a normal looking White guy..so I thought. He had this THICK Russian accent...great the fucking Oakland/SF Russian Mob is helping me...are you fucking kidding. I have 2 bags of luggage w/me. I tell this guy where I'm going, he helps me, takes my luggage & we go down the elevator. At this point, I'm so sober I want to cry. Had I been drunk, this would have been tolerable. I see some 14 year old (or so) white bitches who look like they're rolling face...if you don't know what that is, why the FUCK are you reading this??!! Anyway, finally whatever train we needed, came! I was on my way to SF bitches.....if only I knew what I was about to be in for!!!!!!!!!!!
So my boy - umm we'll call him DJ-JSlice....I just left him a voicemail to let me know what he wants to be called, but he didn't answer, so DJ-JSlice is my temp name! Anyway....I met this kid playing free poker at the local bars in Fairfax. I'm pretty sure it was the first nite I had ever met him - at the lower level bar of the Best Western, which is still the skaniest, piece of shit hotel in Fairfax City - playing poker. I was outside, on the phone, smoking a cigarette. Once I got off (the phone fuckface), he came up to me & we talked for a little bit. I mean, at first, for a white dude (I'm not really into white dudes, except Tucker Max - he's my new idol!) he was good looking. He seemed beyond chill as shit & whatever. There was a lot in between the moment we met to our friendship now, but I will say, we never hooked up, and I think that's why DJ-JSlice actually has respect for me, and I have respect for him. It doesn't happen often :)
Anyway, the day or two before flying to SF, DJ-JSlice called me. He had all these detailed instructions for me to follow...ummm shit, I was walking into a concert w/my ex, Shooz. I had nothing to write on & my memory can't remember shit. He was leaving for Burning Man. If you don't know what that is, I will sum it up, but Google tha shit - you won't believe your eyes. It's this amazing festival. It's sort of like a West Coast Bonnaroo (God C-Murder, I hope I spelled that right - she works at Bonnaroo every year!!!) It's in the middle of a dessert (desert - whichever) in NV (that's Nevada dumbass). There is nothing around. No internet. No phone service. No nothing. Just a few hundred thousand people, fucked up for a week, doing whatever it is they do at Burning Man (when I go, I will have 100 thousand blogs about it!!!) So to put it out there mildly, I had no contact w/DJ-JSlice! LUCKILY, wtf are the chances, his upstairs neighbors, who were watching his kickass dog, Norie...were kickass people. There was Wren, who was an artist & from HERNDON, VA & went to Bishop Ireton. And her boyfriend from Jersey, and their hot friend Mark. He caused some trouble in my relationship w/Shooz, but I'm pretty sure to this day, he has no IDEA he caused any problems w/me & Shooz lol. Funny how the world works.WTF ARE THE CHANCES that LadyJ went to school w/her, (Wren) but was a couple years ahead. WTF OMG - IN SF I met this girl - CRAZINESS! Anyway, I called Wren the day of my flight. I was so sciced - more than a kid in a candy store.
My flight landed in Oakland - at about 10:30pm their time. My ex was from LA. All he emphasized was "once you get off the plane, get on the bus to the BART & DON'T do ANYTHING IN OAKLAND," as well as, "DON'T CHEAT ON ME!" Two simple rules - I can handle that! As soon as I got my bags, I got on the bus to the BART. $3 - it was easy to find. Here I am, in a city I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on. I am amazed. I did get cut-off 3 beers, 2 mixed drinks & 1 shot into the flight...2 hours, into the 6 hour flight. I was pissed. I was even wearing my "Texts From Last Night" shirt that I ordered - it clearly read - "(703):"She said, and I quote "I want to black out with my rack out!" THAT SHIRT WAS FUCKING MADE FOR ME - SERIOUSLY. That bitch was my twin sister, I swear, although, I don't know her. (Whoever the bitch was that said that greatness!)
Anyway, I get to the BART station. Now, I love black people more than anyone. In high school, I thought I was black. XXL Tupac/Biggie shirts, cornrows, the only White girl at Homecoming in our group of 15, etc...But besides the shady ass, "Oakland Police Dept" which I have ZERO FAITH IN, I was the only White person. I believe I was also the only person above the age of ummm....about 16. It was unreal. Where the fuck were these kids parents??
By the way, totally off the subject - guess what I found out tonite??!! DJ-JSlice is coming into town July 10-16th for work!!!!! He won't party much b/c he's a lot more responsible than I, but shit, we're going out to dinner one nite & I'm gonna get him out another. Within three months, I will be in SF again. I miss it too much - the best trip of my life, best city of my life. Hollar back bitches, hollar back! Since I won't remember, I will remind myself that the next story is about he Bart ride w/the Russian Mafia, the $22 18 pack, the cab ride home that didn't take credit cards...and shit, meeting Wren, her man, & Mark. OH Shit this is going to be a story ;)
Insane birthday dinners & pink toenails!
So my mom, B-Rock & I went back to the house so my mom & I could change, and B-Rock could crush some beers. I'm not sure how many he crushed, but judging the way the night went, quite a few! We decided to go to Outback - one of my faves, but my mom insisted on stopping by a hotel in Fairfax first, to see what it would cost to stay for the night. Granted my room is a bit messy, she had never done this before & it seemed odd, but whatever, I went w/it. After the hotel, we drove over to Outback.
As we were getting out of the car, I look up & there is C-Murder & Ginger - what, they pulled a surprise dinner over on me too!!! We go inside, and in walks CHBizzle & BDizzle - holy crap.....we get to the table & I find out LadyJ is on her way, but she was lost....how, I don't know - alcohol I would assume. We sit down & begin ordering drinks. Things were chill at first, from what I can remember, but then the waitress started to get snappy, which I wasn't down with. It's my bday dinner bitch, don't fuck w/me. I look up from the menu and almost fall out of my chair - STEPH & MATT. She is one of my old co-workers & good friends & Matt is her kick-ass husband. I hadn't seen them in forever, though we had tried to plan a lot of stuff, it just didn't seem to work out. I was so happy to have them & everyone else there!!!!
As the waitress continued to reach across a table of 10 of us to grab empty glasses, she put her hands around the rim of the new glasses - this did NOT please my mama by any means. My mom is REALLY BIG on manners & service etc etc - she was raised very well, as was I, but don't seem to listen as much as she did :) At one point, the waitress couldn't reach my glass (well bitch, walk around to the glass & maybe you could!) & she looked at me, waving her hand, saying "glass, glass - can you give me the glass?" BITCH WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO - THIS IS ME. GET THE FUCKING GLASS YOURSELF. I'm pretty sure I said something along those lines as well.
Anyway, when our food came, that's when the shit show began. First, B-Rock ordered quesadillas - one of them had fallen off of the plate, onto the tray. Most normal servers would say"I'm sorry, let me get you a new plate." Not this crazy bitch - she looked a B-Rock, dead serious, & said "Oh I don't want to put my hands on your food - can you pick that one up that fell off the tray?" Ummmm wtf! I'm pretty sure you touching it w/your hands would be less dirty than picking it up off of that nasty ass tray. But was does drunk B-Rock do - "I don't give a shit, I'll eat it!" And faces the whole thing in one bite. I thought my mom wasn't ever going to be able to pick her jaw up off tha floor! It wasn't pretty so far.
At this point, we were all getting drunker, and louder, except CHBizzle & BDizzle. You could tell they were dis-pleased w/the way the dinner was going, but we were def having a good time.
So, basically, B-Rock & I have this mutual understanding - whatever I don't finish on my plate, B-Rock finishes for me, after his food is done (which is usually before I've eaten 1/4 of my plate lol). Well, I suppose drunk B-Rock thought it would be a GREAT idea to start eating off my plate WITH THIS FINGERS. Straight scooped mashed potatoes off my plate w/his fingers, and just ate them. Picked my green beans up w/his fingers. Every time he did this I would loudly yell "Get your fucking fingers out of my food!" It wasn't getting the point across....I thought my mom was going to fall out of her chair by this point. She was a bit tipsy as well, and leaned over & whispered to me "T-Boz, if he puts his fingers in your food one more TIME, I am going to STAB HIM w/my fork!" She was pissed lol. So I leaned over to B-Rock & said "If you put your fucking fingers in my food ONE more time, my mom is going to STAB YOU w/her fork - so stop!"
After this, we convinced him to use a fork - something the other 9 of us had been doing :) Some other loud, rude jokes went on, it took a good 30min for the new server (we requested her after the other bitch completely lost her mind) to split up our tab & we just got drunker lol. We finally paid tabs, and everyone came to the house, except, CHBizzle & BDizzle who went home, as well as Ginger.
We got beer & the rest of us went back to the house. My mom hung out for a while, and after about 30min, B-Rock was passed out in the chair - wasted. My mom eventually went upstairs, and the fun began!
Matt noticed the hot pink nail polish on the table - light bulb! Don't pass out first w/a bunch of drunk people around B-Rock. We did the only logical thing - painted the boys toes pink. He did not move to slightly wake up. C-Murder took a video & at one of the madness going down, and I was squeezing B-Rock's foot SO hard while painting his left foot, his toes were BRIGHT white in the video - no circulation. We got a good laugh watching the video. After we painted his toes, we took a nice black sharpee & went to town on his feet. We drew spirals & swirls, flowers, hearts, drew my NKOTBSB tatttoo on the side of his foot (New Kids on the Block & Backstreet Boys lmao) & some other crazy random shit, including my autograph! I didn't want to wait for him to wake up for work at 6am Sunday, b/c I wouldn't have seen his response. So I decided to wake him up - hell he had at least a 1 or 2 hour drunk nap. LadyJ wasn't thrilled w/the idea of waking him up, b/c she thought he would be pissed. I know B-Rock - he doesn't get pissed at shit like this!
So I awoke him, and said something along the lines of "your toes are pretty." He just looked down, saw his feet, and started busting out laughing!!! (Told you he wouldn't get pissed!) He thought it was hilarious & agreed b/c he had fallen asleep, that's what happens! He was such a sport, he even let me keep drawing w/the sharpee once he was awake! B-Rock mentioned he would be going to work like that (he's a vet-tech so I think he only had to walk animals, give shots etc - not actually see people!) so he went to work, in sandals, with pink toe nails & almost black feet :) That pleased me lol.
As the night began to wind down (it had to be at least 3am at this point) people were leaving & I was pretty much giving B-Rock a lap dance (w/our clothes on you perv) in front of my friends. Shit, I was wasted, horny & ready for sex!
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Everyone left the living room, C-Murder to her room, LadyJ to her room & everyone else home. With my mom in my room, the only place to get freaky was the living room couch. We had some good, drunk sex that nite. And when I woke up in the morning B-Rock was gone, and it was Father's Day. I wasn't sad. I was so pleased w/everything the day before, my mom being there w/me, that we took a family friend out to brunch for Father's Day. My mom also cooked dinner that nite for C-Murder, LadyJ, and me. It was after all, a good Father's Day!
As we were getting out of the car, I look up & there is C-Murder & Ginger - what, they pulled a surprise dinner over on me too!!! We go inside, and in walks CHBizzle & BDizzle - holy crap.....we get to the table & I find out LadyJ is on her way, but she was lost....how, I don't know - alcohol I would assume. We sit down & begin ordering drinks. Things were chill at first, from what I can remember, but then the waitress started to get snappy, which I wasn't down with. It's my bday dinner bitch, don't fuck w/me. I look up from the menu and almost fall out of my chair - STEPH & MATT. She is one of my old co-workers & good friends & Matt is her kick-ass husband. I hadn't seen them in forever, though we had tried to plan a lot of stuff, it just didn't seem to work out. I was so happy to have them & everyone else there!!!!
As the waitress continued to reach across a table of 10 of us to grab empty glasses, she put her hands around the rim of the new glasses - this did NOT please my mama by any means. My mom is REALLY BIG on manners & service etc etc - she was raised very well, as was I, but don't seem to listen as much as she did :) At one point, the waitress couldn't reach my glass (well bitch, walk around to the glass & maybe you could!) & she looked at me, waving her hand, saying "glass, glass - can you give me the glass?" BITCH WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO - THIS IS ME. GET THE FUCKING GLASS YOURSELF. I'm pretty sure I said something along those lines as well.
Anyway, when our food came, that's when the shit show began. First, B-Rock ordered quesadillas - one of them had fallen off of the plate, onto the tray. Most normal servers would say"I'm sorry, let me get you a new plate." Not this crazy bitch - she looked a B-Rock, dead serious, & said "Oh I don't want to put my hands on your food - can you pick that one up that fell off the tray?" Ummmm wtf! I'm pretty sure you touching it w/your hands would be less dirty than picking it up off of that nasty ass tray. But was does drunk B-Rock do - "I don't give a shit, I'll eat it!" And faces the whole thing in one bite. I thought my mom wasn't ever going to be able to pick her jaw up off tha floor! It wasn't pretty so far.
At this point, we were all getting drunker, and louder, except CHBizzle & BDizzle. You could tell they were dis-pleased w/the way the dinner was going, but we were def having a good time.
So, basically, B-Rock & I have this mutual understanding - whatever I don't finish on my plate, B-Rock finishes for me, after his food is done (which is usually before I've eaten 1/4 of my plate lol). Well, I suppose drunk B-Rock thought it would be a GREAT idea to start eating off my plate WITH THIS FINGERS. Straight scooped mashed potatoes off my plate w/his fingers, and just ate them. Picked my green beans up w/his fingers. Every time he did this I would loudly yell "Get your fucking fingers out of my food!" It wasn't getting the point across....I thought my mom was going to fall out of her chair by this point. She was a bit tipsy as well, and leaned over & whispered to me "T-Boz, if he puts his fingers in your food one more TIME, I am going to STAB HIM w/my fork!" She was pissed lol. So I leaned over to B-Rock & said "If you put your fucking fingers in my food ONE more time, my mom is going to STAB YOU w/her fork - so stop!"
After this, we convinced him to use a fork - something the other 9 of us had been doing :) Some other loud, rude jokes went on, it took a good 30min for the new server (we requested her after the other bitch completely lost her mind) to split up our tab & we just got drunker lol. We finally paid tabs, and everyone came to the house, except, CHBizzle & BDizzle who went home, as well as Ginger.
We got beer & the rest of us went back to the house. My mom hung out for a while, and after about 30min, B-Rock was passed out in the chair - wasted. My mom eventually went upstairs, and the fun began!
Matt noticed the hot pink nail polish on the table - light bulb! Don't pass out first w/a bunch of drunk people around B-Rock. We did the only logical thing - painted the boys toes pink. He did not move to slightly wake up. C-Murder took a video & at one of the madness going down, and I was squeezing B-Rock's foot SO hard while painting his left foot, his toes were BRIGHT white in the video - no circulation. We got a good laugh watching the video. After we painted his toes, we took a nice black sharpee & went to town on his feet. We drew spirals & swirls, flowers, hearts, drew my NKOTBSB tatttoo on the side of his foot (New Kids on the Block & Backstreet Boys lmao) & some other crazy random shit, including my autograph! I didn't want to wait for him to wake up for work at 6am Sunday, b/c I wouldn't have seen his response. So I decided to wake him up - hell he had at least a 1 or 2 hour drunk nap. LadyJ wasn't thrilled w/the idea of waking him up, b/c she thought he would be pissed. I know B-Rock - he doesn't get pissed at shit like this!
So I awoke him, and said something along the lines of "your toes are pretty." He just looked down, saw his feet, and started busting out laughing!!! (Told you he wouldn't get pissed!) He thought it was hilarious & agreed b/c he had fallen asleep, that's what happens! He was such a sport, he even let me keep drawing w/the sharpee once he was awake! B-Rock mentioned he would be going to work like that (he's a vet-tech so I think he only had to walk animals, give shots etc - not actually see people!) so he went to work, in sandals, with pink toe nails & almost black feet :) That pleased me lol.
As the night began to wind down (it had to be at least 3am at this point) people were leaving & I was pretty much giving B-Rock a lap dance (w/our clothes on you perv) in front of my friends. Shit, I was wasted, horny & ready for sex!
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